Tossing It Page 11

  She reaches around my waist with an arm. “I don’t know. I should try, right? It’s something she has always loved and it’s the only thing she remembers that she still loves.” I hear the resentment in her voice. “Might be therapeutic for me. It’s always hot and sunny here. I could garden year-round. There would always be something in season.”

  “Or you can throw yourself into planning my mom’s birthday at the beach instead?” I try to change the subject to something on more neutral territory. “It will be a pretty awesome surprise.”

  Malena grins. “I’ve already got everything handled,” she replies, eyes lighting. “You know I’m going to have to be there to make sure everything goes smoothly, right?”

  “Yes,” I reply.

  “That means your sisters. Your family. They’ll all be there. At the same place I’ll be.”

  I quirk a brow. “That doesn’t mean I have to introduce you to them.”

  Malena swats me on the arm playfully. “You’re awful.”

  “You’re beautiful.”

  She blushes. “I’m hungry.”

  A car door closes in the parking lot adjacent to my building. Right on time, I think. “I’ll introduce you to them now,” I say, sighing. Eva didn’t call, but call it brotherly intuition—I knew she would be coming over tonight. I have no doubt in my mind that Celia told her we dropped Ms. Winterset off at Garden Breeze yesterday. Malena tightens under my hands, the nerves reacting immediately.

  “What do you mean?” Malena says, scrambling out of my grasp. “She’s here? Now?”

  I sigh again. “I don’t want them to be. Not because you’re here. Because she never calls before she comes over,” I bark loudly, so Eva can hear as she approaches. Malena spins toward the sound of footsteps on the pathway to my front door.

  “You never answer my calls, Leif. Don’t be a dick,” Eva croons, gaze lighting on Malena even though she’s talking to me. “Looks like I came over at a perfect time,” she adds. “I’ve been dying to meet her in the flesh.” Eva walks toward us, a proud stride, and much to my surprise, a pleasant smile on her face. My stomach flips at the realization of what’s about to happen. Worlds colliding.

  Malena shrinks into me, but I push her forward, to sense the evil I have to deal with on a regular basis. We all have our demons, Malena, I think. “Malena this is my older sister, Eva. She’s married and has her own house, but likes to harass her brother at his place instead of living her own life. Is Celia on her way?” I ask, tilting my head. “I can only surmise you’ve telepathically told her to get her ass over here as quickly as possible because I’m in a weak spot.”

  Eva cackles, her blonde hair sliding over her shoulder as she tips her head back. Taking out her phone, she sends a text. Of course. Malena extends her hand, baffled or taken aback by sibling rivalry. “It’s nice to meet you in person, Eva,” she says. “Your brother led me to believe I might never get to meet you. Which would be a shame as I don’t think anyone can put him in his place so…gracefully.”

  Eva ignores Malena’s offered hand in favor of bringing her in for a hug, trapping Malena’s hands by her sides. “You don’t know how relieved I am to see you do actually exist in his world. I thought he was gay,” Eva says, pulling away to look Malena over more thoroughly, like a judge in a baking competition or something. “Not that there would be anything wrong with him being gay, but I really wanted another woman around. Why would you think you’d never meet me?” Eva narrows her eyes at me.

  I make an irritated groan behind them. “I’m right here,” I say. “You knew she existed. Don’t play dumb. You’ve been hassling me about her. Hell, you’ve been hassling her too!”

  “I thought maybe he was delusional, that’s all. He’s never really cared about anyone other than himself before. I knew you existed, I just wasn’t sure you were actually spending time with my brother,” Eva explains, making me seem like even more of a vapid monster. “I didn’t hassle Malena. I merely wanted to be friends with her. Why wasn’t he going to introduce you to me?” Eva asks Malena.

  I push open the door and hold my arm out so they’ll both enter. Mr. Olsen laughs as he ambles outside to take up residence in his chair. “You kids doing okay out here?”

  I respond to Mr. Olsen as Eva and Malena offer warm smiles and ask him if he needs anything. He looks a little tired today—worn down. I help him sit down even though he tries to push me away, I can tell he appreciates the attention.

  “I’m going to cook dinner,” Eva proclaims.

  Malena walks up next to me and pats Mr. Olsen on the arm. “Do you want to have dinner with us?” Malena asks.

  “Yes,” Eva adds. “You’ll have dinner with us.” They’re already a united front, and I have to admit. I kind of like it. There isn’t any hostility between my sister and Malena.

  Mr. Olsen lays back and waves a thin veiny arm. “No, No. I’m not going to interrupt your dinner. But you can bring me a plate if you want to. I’m going to take a little nap.”

  The women enter the house and busy themselves in the kitchen. I watch as Malena and Eva chat. It’s easy, effortless banter, like they’ve been friends for life. Eva asks about Ms. Winterset and how Mom’s party planning is progressing. Malena asks about how I was as a child. They relish in the story about how I almost drowned at the beach.

  “That’s not a funny story. I almost died,” I chime in.

  Eva rolls her eyes as she washes her hands. “It’s funny because you’re a SEAL now. Water is your thing. You’re like one with it. Right?”

  “I guess so,” I say. “It’s still not funny.”

  Malena smiles but keeps her eyes down to the knife and cutting board.

  “You have something to add? Something funny? Me almost dying is funny?”

  “You act like that’s the closest to death that you’ve been. When in actuality it’s probably child’s play. Literally,” Malena explains, meeting my eyes.

  “Fair,” I say.

  Celia walks in the front door. “He’s snoring like a giant,” Celia says, hiking her thumb to my front deck. “Smells good. What’s for dinner?”

  She’s wearing her scrubs and her hair is in a messy bun. I see her check out Malena to gauge the amount of shade happening. Malena swallows hard and pauses chopping. “Hey Celia,” she says, as my sister rounds the corner into the kitchen. Malena’s eyes glass over. I’m not sure if it’s because of onions or because she’s about to break down.

  “Thank you so much” —Malena breathes— “for my mother.” They talk for a few minutes. It’s mostly Malena telling her how grateful she is for finding the spot for her mother and Celia reassuring her that she doesn’t owe her anything. It’s a little painful to watch. Malena is so unused to others helping her that it’s hard for her to accept a kind gesture for what it is. A kind gesture.

  Celia shakes her hand. “Don’t even mention it. I was happy to help you out. You’ve made my brother a more bearable person in recent days.” Celia washes her hands. “What can I help with? I should text Momma and Daddy and see if they can come over.”

  “There’s enough. I’m cooking for an army,” Eva says. “Text them now.”

  Malena’s gaze darts up to meet mine—panic written on her features. “Come here,” I say, tilting my chin to Malena. “I have to show you something. They can handle the cooking for a second,” I say.

  “Yes. We got this. Go ahead,” Celia says. “Go listen to Mr. Olsen snore. I’ve never heard anything like it in my life.” Thank God Celia is gracious and can tell that Malena needs a moment to process all that’s happened in the past hour.

  Malena wipes her hands on the dish rag. “Okay,” she replies drying her hands on her shorts. She walks around the island and stands in front of me. I don’t care about being subtle, so I lean over to kiss her lips once, full and deep. I can tell she thinks about pulling away, but the attraction is too strong so she doesn’t. Eva clears her throat. Celia laughs. And I just took my weakness from their hands and owned it
for myself.

  When I break the kiss, Malena brings her fingers up to her lips and looks to my sisters. They’re busy, but both are wearing devious smirks. “It’s done. Don’t question anything else. Got it?” I ask.

  Eva sighs, and Celia chimes, “Is this like the time you took that girl to prom and you made a big deal of making Mom buy that corsage that matched her dress? Like you were so serious about the dance and the girl. But then you left her at the dance to party with your buddies and drink beer in the woods? Then the cops made you jog in front of their cop car all the way back home?” A story they will never let me live down. I hate them. But I also love them because while I like to think Malena knows me, at least she’s getting another side of me. No secrets, my sisters will make sure of that.

  I sigh. “You guys really are unbearable. No, it’s not like that at all. My date was in on it the whole time. She knew I wasn’t actually going to the dance.” Partly true. I took photos with her so she had something to show her parents and then I bolted. It was a mutually beneficial arrangement.

  Celia shrugs. “Just making sure.” She winks at Malena. “He’s a real catch. Promise.”

  “Seems that way, doesn’t it?” Malena replies, shaking her head. Eva makes an annoyed noise while looking at Celia’s phone. “Mom and Dad already have plans for dinner they can’t make it tonight. Though I’m sure she’s utterly devastated she can’t talk Dad into coming here instead.”

  “I am a good catch,” I say, snaking an arm around Malena’s waist. I pull Malena down the hall to my bedroom. She pauses, trying to look at the random awards I have lining my hallway, but I have her hand in mine. By my age, most have hallways lined with photos of their children. Memories from happy vacations. Wedding days. None of those things belong to me. My career accomplishments adorn the walls in my house. They are things I’m proud of, but I can’t be sure they mean the same thing to me as family photos mean to others. That’s the best thing about not knowing. You can’t miss what you’ve never had.

  “These are really awesome, Leif,” Malena whispers, as she reads the small inscription on a plaque. She goes on her tiptoes to read the one on the wall next to my bedroom door. She laughs at the funny poem my teammates wrote for me when I left the command.

  “Were you not impressed with me before?” I tease. “My sisters will make sure you’re never impressed with me in any way. I can tell them to go away. I do it all the time. Just let me know. I’m never expecting them. This is kind of an introduction by fire, but it’s also a very accurate portrayal of me. Of what I came from. Of why I am the way I am.”

  We enter my bedroom and she looks around. “Are they the real reason why you don’t want children?” she asks, meeting my gaze once her appraisal is over. “Because they are…so much,” she whispers.

  I tilt my head back and forth. “You could be on to something. I never really thought of it that way. Could be,” I admit. Malena nods, walking toward my four-poster bed that’s far too large for this space, her delicate fingers dragging against the dark wood. “It’s just we went from never meeting family to having a full-on reunion. You were quite the bachelor it seems.”

  Shaking my head, I approach her wrapping my hands around her rib cage. She’s so small, so perfectly made to fit into my hands. “Not a bachelor in the sense you’re thinking. I’ve never met someone worth breaking rules for. There’s a difference. I didn’t give the women from my past time because they weren’t worthy of it.”

  “I’m worth it?”

  I grin. “More than worth it. Anytime I’m not with you, I’m wishing I was.” That’s never happened before. I have never dreamed I’d want to be anywhere as much as I want to be next to Malena. Inside her.

  “Don’t send them home. I want to hear more stories about you.”

  “They won’t cloud your good judgment?” I ask. “Send you running to the hills?”

  She shakes her head. “They only add to your appeal.” Her eyes dart to the side and she gets a far-off look in her eye. “A shame I don’t have any siblings to appeal on my behalf, huh?”

  “Nah, they’d probably be hot older sisters and I’d go after them instead.”

  Malena laughs, a soft smile pulling up one corner of her mouth. “That’s not funny.”

  One finger under her chin, I tilt her face up. The setting sun blazes through the house and into my bedroom through the open door like a fiery reminder of what this woman is doing to my life. Setting everything on fire. Bringing me to life by singeing me from the inside out. Leaning into me, she kisses me, allowing her tongue to twine against mine. A battle. A duel. My wits. Her kiss. Malena is in my space, a place no other woman has been. I want to scream it from the rooftops and also bury it like a skeleton. When you become attached to things, they become weaknesses—a guise of security.

  I’ve seen it before, with friends, with enemies. A lump forms in my throat, as I pull her closer, wrapping her in my arms. She’s safe. The kiss finishes slowly, our chests pressed together.

  As she catches her breath, her forehead against mine, I suck in air.

  I breathe in love. I exhale pain.

  Chapter Ten

  Malena

  “How painful was that? Scale of one to ten?” Leif asks, shutting and locking his front door. “Mr. Olsen is in bed. I put the leftovers in his fridge. I’ll stop by in the morning before I head to the airport for jumping to make sure he knows they’re there.” He eyes me up and down almost as if he’s appraising for damage.

  Eva and Celia were delightful during dinner. I think they had a coming to God moment while Leif and I spoke alone in the bedroom. After we returned to the kitchen, they seemed to be on their best behavior. Leif didn’t question their change in demeanor, and I was relieved because it made things easier on me. For all intents and purposes, it was a nice family meal. Something I’ve not had in years. It made me miss my mom.

  Sighing, I dry the last dish and put it away in the correct cabinet, and then turn to meet his steely, blue gaze. “Zero. It was actually pretty awesome. They aren’t nearly as bad as you say,” I reply, smiling. “They love you.”

  “To death,” he adds. “Listen, I know we didn’t plan for tonight to go down like that, but I want you to know I’m glad you met them. I want you to see all of me.”

  I swallow down the fear of the unknown. “Leif, I see you whether you realize it or not, you showed your heart to me far before your sisters told me you’re a weak swimmer.”

  He palms his chest. “I am a fucking amazing swimmer,” he returns. “And there’s nothing wrong with my swimmers.” His face pinks. “That just came out. Sorry. That’s insensitive.” I flop down on his sofa. “There isn’t anything wrong with your swimmers. That’s okay to say. Remember, I’ve dealt with infertility for most of my adult life. I have a spine—can handle any joke,” I explain. “Though, I’m glad your parents didn’t come over tonight. I want to fix myself up before I meet them. Be a presentable human,” I say, picking up the edge of my shirt and setting it back down. “I look like a slob. If your sisters say anything about me, anything at all, you are bound to tell me.”

  He grins. “There’s no way you want to know what they’re going to say.”

  “Why?” I swallow down all of my insecurities. They go down like razor blades. I know I’m not good enough for Leif. His sisters will have noticed that right away. They’ve already had to bail me out of a situation and their brother is footing the bill. I’m a charity case. Now it’s my job to prove to them I’m more than that. That I am a deserving person even if I don’t feel like one. That I’m worthy of a man like Leif Andersson.

  “Because they are inappropriate, Malena. No other reason than they’ll probably discuss our sex and foreplay routine as casual conversation. Their filters are broken. I’d never subject you to that kind of talk. They won’t have anything negative to say about you. You guys got along perfectly. You can’t really be worried about what they think about you. Are you? They loved you.”

 
I shrug. He closes the space between us. “Don’t. Don’t do that,” Leif says.

  “You say you’re not, but in my eyes, you’re pretty damn close to perfect. You have an amazing career, a caring family, a sense of honor and humor,” I say, licking my lips. “Leif,” I add, “You are generous and kind.” I wave an arm at his body. “You’re fucking sculpted like a marble statue. Museum quality. Except better, because you’re not missing a head or a hand or a finger.” Leif presses his lips into a firm line, trying his best not to laugh at my comparison.

  “And I, well, I struggle with almost everything. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see we aren’t a balanced pair. What if I always need you more? More of your time. More of your attention. More of everything? Because that’s probably how it’s going to be. You still have to give as much to your job as you were before we met.” Using my other arm, I wave to the hallway of awards, signs he’s amazing in his career as well. “What if you don’t have time or energy for me?”

  “Are we arguing? Is this our first argument?” he asks, tilting his head, smiling.

  I shake my head. “Don’t smile at me that way. I’m serious. This is hard for me to accept.”

  Leif sighs, and sits down next to me, laying his hand on my bare leg. “Am I greedy if I say I want you to want more of me? That’s not a negative. Not at all,” Leif says.

  I try to concentrate on his words, but he’s touching me, and any time he touches me, I turn into a rabid sex creature with only one thing on my mind.

  “I am busy. My commitments are heavy, but that doesn’t mean I can’t rearrange things to fit you in my life. Especially because that’s what I want. When I want something, I make it happen. In case you forgot,” he says. “Chicken wings.”

  I rub my forehead. “The past few days have been a lot. You’ve been amazing. I guess I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop because good things don’t happen to me very often.”

  “When is the last time someone did something nice for you?”