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  His voice is tight, terse as he struggles with my button and then the zipper. I grab the sides of his head and tilt his face up toward mine. I get lost for a moment in the silver brown perfection and all that the color stands for. He looks up with me with such awe and determination. It reminds me of our game. One that he never liked to lose.

  “What is a six letter word for love?” I ask, never breaking from his gaze. He smiles briefly and shrugs.

  “Tell me.” I win this match for sure.

  “Living,” I say, while tracing the sides of his face with my fingertips. “You have already given me everything. My pleasure is assured when it comes to you,” I admit.

  It is in this very second he forgets his nervousness and anticipation. His eyes, still silvery brown, look wild with want, need, and lust. He grabs me around my knees and picks me up. I laugh a quick burst of giggles as he gently puts me on the bed. I tug off my boots as he haphazardly tries to undo the laces on his. I kick away my shoes and pants and sit on the edge of the bed naked, watching with awe as Finn removes the rest of his clothing. When he finishes, he just stares at me, his eyes intent on my every curve and nuance. He sighs loudly. I sigh in return.

  “Damn,” he mutters. “You are so beautiful, Emma. I have imagined you this way for a long time.” He settles next to me on the bed and runs his large palm from my knee up over my thigh. Every nerve ending in my body is hypersensitive under his touch. “I never thought I’d be able to be this close to you…to actually touch you like this.”

  My skin prickles with heat where he touches. Everywhere he is not touching feels cold and desolate. Tentatively, I reach out my hand and run it along his bare leg and over his lower stomach, a place I have never been able to see or touch. I remember the other darklings’ reaction to Finn and understand fully the affect he has on the opposite sex. I do not dwell on that because he looks at me differently. Finn desires me like he has desired no other before me. I know I desire him more than any other darkling anywhere. He has won my heart and soul.

  “You are perfect.” For me. I whisper into the electrified air as I swing one leg over to sit on top of him, our faces only fractionally separated.

  He seems momentarily shocked I have made this brazen move. He watches me cautiously, his hands moving down my back. He has told me how holding himself back will be hard, so I am aware of the hesitant strokes, how they are about to turn into something so much more. I am aware of everything. The way he trembles softly. The way his hands trace every inch of my body, as if to mark me as his. I am mostly aware of the heat between my legs as we are close to joining as one.

  Finn leans in and presses a wet kiss to the hollow of my neck while his hand trails below to stoke my ever-growing fire. He groans faintly when his fingers make contact with my wet warmth. I feel him jerk beneath me. Desire for connection pumps through my body until I nearly hum with anticipation.

  Straddling him, I let my knees open wider until I feel him under me. Pressing on me, twitching between my legs, seeking entrance. He does not make a move, so I do. Holding my breath, I take him into my hands and guide him into me. At my touch, his muscles tighten, but immediately relax. I wrap my hands around his face and pull him in for a kiss. I dart my tongue into his mouth, holding nothing back and taking everything. His teeth lightly tug at my bottom lip, pulling me closer to him.

  His hands slide from my breasts and come to rest on my hipbones gently. “Are you sure you’re ready?” he asks, his voice strained, on the edge of desperate.

  I rest my forehead against his, close my eyes, and nod my head. “Yes, I am ready,” I whisper.

  With that out of the way he pulls me down onto him. I suck in a sharp breath and then ease as I ride the sensations. I clench around him when I hear his groans of innate pleasure. His pleasure. My pleasure. Our pleasure.

  In this moment, I feel nothing but Finn. It is as if he himself is the strongest emotion in the world. I forget about witches and the darklings and the politics of fates. Everything disappears from my mind and from the world as I kiss him. As I make love to him. I know with certainty that every beat of my heart has guided me to this exact moment. A fierce fire builds in my chest. I open my eyes wide and look into Finn’s eyes. I feel it. No old memory causes what I feel. It is Finn. I am overwhelmed. A tear sneaks out when I see how tenderly Finn is regarding me.

  He feels the same emotion.

  He stills inside me. One hand comes up to brush the tear from my cheek. Without shutting my eyes, I kiss his open lips.

  “I love you, Finn.”

  This confession blisters my soul. The sub-emotions of love wrack my body. I behold Finn with affection, longing, compassion, and adoration. I feel lust. His silver brown eyes tell me everything I need to know. He feels the same.

  Finn murmurs against my lips. “I love you. I love you so much,” he says, his stray hand finding my hip once again. The fierceness of his gaze as he says three words will be with me for the rest of time. No other words between us have been truer.

  We feel love—we feel six at the very same second. This is forever ours. Finn picks me up without disconnecting our bodies and lays me down on my bed, pinning me under him.

  Our mouths melt together as our bodies rock together in perfect bliss. I have never made love before. Not like this. If it is Finn’s love that haunts me forever, I am okay with it. I do not want to remember a life without this—without him. Completeness is not whole without him. My heart does not beat to bring me mere seconds of life, it beats for Finn. For love. For this tiny moment, I hold the world in my arms.

  We have six.

  Chapter Thirty

  July 28th, Afternoon

  Our clothing still litters the floor and the bedclothes are askew. His hands wrap in my hair and our legs are entangled. His mouth knows all of my skin with the utmost amount of familiarity. Nothing compares to the blazing passion between us except for that of the feelings we have for each other. The feelings I now will have for life—it is a fate of a different kind. Knowing and loving Finn for an eternity will not be enough, I am sure of it. This is it, I think. This is what it means to have a life. Love. I think it is enough to destroy a universe. I know it is. I press a deep kiss on his chest and let my tongue linger longer than my lips. He tastes of sweat, and soap…and Finn. I do not think I will ever be able to leave this bed, or any surface area that is strong enough to hold two bodies.

  I trail my mouth lower and lower still. Finn props his head up and locks his hands behind his head. “God, Emma. I will—” his words break off as I close my mouth around him. “Never get enough of this. Of you,” he finally says through clenched teeth, when I pull away and smile.

  As darklings our bodies mature in our early twenties. It is when immortality takes over. We are frozen as we are now—never to change or develop further, only imperiled by the means of decapitation.

  “We have forever to do this,” I tell him, biting my lip, when I think how marvelous an eternity of mind-blowing sex with someone I love will be. I roll over to lie on my side next to him, my muscles weak with exertion.

  He talks me into getting dressed to get something to eat. I try to protest, but my stomach grumbles. Finn smiles. We dress, not taking our eyes off each other. It is a tease of a different sort. As I watch him, I plan how I will take his clothing off the next opportunity I get.

  “I do have to ask, though…how could you sacrifice love to enter the Dark Citadel?” It baffles me. I realize just how precious this emotion is. It is the strongest. It gives reason to an unreasonable world.

  “Because it has always been you,” he says, not elaborating. I see a twinkle of something in his eye. He smiles, like he is the only person who understands some important joke. I want to push for more information, but his laughter makes me forget everything except his lips and smile.

  With the hollowness completely abated, I recall more from my childhood. The memories of love from my mother are in the forefront, but also love for Lana and the circle spri
ng to mind. I think how excited Lana will be when I go back, how she will demand every gory detail about our encounter. I will not tell her. This day. This love is Finn’s. It is ours. I remember more and more with each passing second–all the memories I forgot as I grew up. Emmalina Weaver was erased as each emotion left my body. The things I forgot were the things that made me who I was. The emotions were my personality—my identity. I did not realize it at the time, of course, but I was losing myself in pieces.

  He tugs on his slacks and presses his lips together. “Where is your mind going? It’s not here, I see it written all over your face,” Finn demands jokingly.

  Both our smiles drop when the lights flicker all over the house. Finn raises one eyebrow and tilts his head up to examine the fixture on the ceiling. “There must be a disturbance with the magic current outside,” he says, his mind already completely enthralled with mechanics. He kisses me squarely on the mouth once before heading for the door.

  Someone knocks at the front door three times. My mind conjures nightmares from the last time I am in this house—the last time I heard a knock on the same door. After a wary glance over his shoulder Finn pulls open the door, on guard, and it relieves us to find Lana on the doorstep. I beam a huge smile her way and fly into her arms, hugging her as tightly as I can manage. I pull back and my smile falters when I see her form flicker. It reminds me of the holograms in the palace halls. She is there solid one second and the next she is a blurry mass of wavering Lana-shaped particles. I back away from her. She steps over the threshold and we all stand together in the living room, staring at each other.

  “I’d ask what you guys have been up to, but it’s obvious,” Lana’s voice distorts. She sounds like herself, just carrying on a breeze. Instead of blushing because of her lewd remark, panic like I have never known wells in my throat.

  Finn speaks first. “What the hell is wrong, Lana?” He strides forward and grabs her hand. She smiles. It is wistful. I do not understand what is going on, though I know we are on a precipice. Lana breaks free of Finn’s grip and comes to stand in front of me. It is more of a floating motion than it is of walking. She is more hologram than she is whole.

  She shakes, the buzzing her morphing figure creates makes the hair on my arms stand on end. “Seriously, Lana. What is it?” I stroke the air where she was moments before and catch nothing instead. When she appears again she is weary, her eyes tired.

  “Well if you guys didn’t roam out here in the middle of fucking nowhere, I’d have had more time to talk. I am…” she lets her sentence trail off.

  I stagger forward, alarm coursing through me. “You are what?” I nearly yell. She disappears into the air once more. When she surfaces this time she is lying on the floor. In the same spot, the same position, where my mother took her last breaths.

  Finn, now panting with anger and fear, comes to kneel by her side. My legs do not want to move. I am stuck. I forget to breathe because I know I will suffocate without her. Lana stretches a flickering hand up to cup Finn’s cheek.

  When she speaks, it is clear, no longer warped sounding. “The last half of the deal.”

  I force myself to sink to the ground on the other side of her body. Unlike the last time I was in this position I feel everything. I know exactly what I stand to lose.

  Finn looks like a tortured man. A man on fire, as he asks what deal she made with Liam.

  “If Emma fell in love with anyone other than Liam, I would be punished…with death,” she says. I do not realize the gasp that fills the room is my own until moments after it escapes.

  “Why would you do that? How could you do that?” I ask, the shock of this discovery hitting me full force. Finn just gapes at her, unable to form any sort of lucid questions at all.

  She rolls her eyes and laughs. It sounds forced. I know she does this because I like the sound. “Liam thought he was making the deal with you, not me. When the sorceress told him to honor the last half of our deal, it was transferred to my body. This crazy magic shit will blink me out of existence soon enough,” Lana says. When she sees my expression she adds, “Everyone needs something to believe in. A smart person once told me that. I believe in love.”

  As I look at her and let her words sink in, I start to cry. “I love you, Lana,” I choke out through muddled sobs. She waves her hand and it blinks.

  “I want to go out with a fucking bang, not a whimper, guys. Man up. No more tears,” she smarts. I hear Finn sniffle. I do not look at him. He is losing Lana because of me. “You’ll die for what you believe the most in. I love you too, by the way,” she tacks on as a second thought. Her whole body blinks once and then again.

  For once I am glad Lana does not feel six. She is absent of fear. She does not fear her death. She fears nothing. I doubt she ever feared much to begin with. I lean my head down and place a kiss on her cheek. Finn has not let go of her hand. He brings it up and places a kiss on the top of it. As Lana’s form shimmers into the background I hear a whisper of her words bounce off the walls.

  “Don’t forget what the true meaning of life is. Don’t be sad this happened. Be happy you get another chapter. Live for you…but add a little in there for me too.” When she disappears completely she takes a piece of my heart with her. I stare at the wooden floor where her body used to be, where my mother’s body used to be. The glaring difference between my mother’s death and Lana’s is understanding. The similarity is sacrifice.

  Overwhelmed by everything at once, I fall into the same deadly spot. I crumple in on myself and the memory hits me at once, as if a gift from Lana, or my mother, or perhaps both of them.

  I am sitting out by the trash ditch at the edge of the forest. My blond hair is tied up into a bun and my cheeks are hot from playing in the fields all day. I am a child. The brown-haired boy sits next to me, his knees pulled up against his chest. The boy holds out his hand, palm closed. I look into his silvery brown eyes in question. He is my best friend—my only friend. He smiles as he turns his hand over and opens his fingers to reveal a small, red gemstone. It glistens, lying in the center of his small palm. My eyes widen as I take in its magnificence. I have never seen something so beautiful.

  “I carved it into a heart for you,” he says. “I know you can’t see me anymore so I wanted something you could remember me by.”

  I cannot be his friend anymore because I feel less every day. My mother says it is a part of accepting my fate. It frightens me. My friendship with the boy must end.

  He moves his open hand, and the gemstone closer to me. This kind gesture confuses me. I shake my head and start crying. The boy takes my hand in his and says things meant to reassure me. My sobbing does not cease.

  “You keep it,” I tell him. “Give it to me one day when I feel something more,” I say.

  He flinches at my words or my tone.

  “My emotions are in it,” I tell him, though my crying muffles the ending syllables of each word.

  The boy does not object. He merely takes my hand in his, pressing the stone between both our sweaty palms. “They are,” he says as he taps one small finger against my hand three times. With that tiny gesture I feel better for the moment.

  The crying from the memory overtakes me when I surface on my living room floor. I open my eyes to concerned silver brown eyes peering down at me. My hand automatically grasps for the charm around my neck.

  “You knew me when we were children,” I say. Finn’s eyes widen in shock. He nods his head in agreement. I sit up and wrap my arms around him. “You should have told me, Finn. Why did you not tell me?” I cry into his neck, inhaling his sweet scent. This new revelation dwarfs my sadness at losing Lana.

  “I loved you since the moment I saw you,” he whispers. Now I know he is speaking of when we were children and not when I first recall meeting him in the circle. “I made a promise to your mother. It just wasn’t when I said I did. I made a promise to her the day I left your house, the last day I saw you when we were children. I figured if you never found out or
knew, it wouldn’t matter. I love you the same no matter when I met you, Emma. Forever and always,” he says. Though his words are heartfelt I sense the tinge of sadness. It almost makes his sentiments more poignant—more real. I am too stunned to cry anymore. I am heartbroken, but find myself grinning.

  I pull away from Finn and look him in the eye. “That means you lied during truth and dare,” I say. One corner of his mouth picks up small grin.

  “Lana would be so pissed,” he mutters.

  Because I feel all six, the sadness wars with joy and I am okay with it. I think, Lana is the brave hero who slays the dragon from my storybook. She would want to do more than slay, though. She would want to ride that beast through the sky as it wails out in fury. She would want to tame it first. She would make it scream her name in fifty different languages before she dealt the deathblow. Because with Lana it was all or nothing in life. She was all.

  I will be all.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Finn.

  I remember the first time I met her. Her mother ran me down in the woods. When I realized she was a complete and almost extinct human, I was shocked enough to stand still and listen to her harried pleas. She wanted me to befriend her daughter in hopes of luring her away from the palaces…from the witches. Having that mentality was dangerous, but I decided to meet her daughter on principle alone. I didn’t tell a soul—not even Lana—about the friendship that developed.