Lust in Translation (Harbour Point SEAL Series Book 1) Page 9

  He leans his shoulders back and forth—weighing his decision. It looks ridiculous because of his massive size. “If you like it, I like it. Coal is for naughty people, right? You have tied in Christmas which is your thing. He’s black so that’s fitting.”

  “I didn’t think of the Christmas aspect. You know me so well.” I press my lips together and meet his horribly handsome gaze.

  Leo traces the edge of the travel coffee cup lid with a finger and coughs a few times. “You must be excited to see Juliet.”

  Sighing, I think of my best friend. “I am. It will be good for me to talk to her face to face. Have her here. I’m ready for it.”

  My stomach flips when our gazes lock for longer than is socially acceptable. “You look like you really are feeling much better. But the flu is tricky. You can overdo it easily. Are you sure you’re ready for work?”

  “Are you going to work me to the bone, Simmons? Or will you go easy on me?”

  I cough on a sip of coffee. “Callaway.”

  He laughs, white teeth flashing. “What? Simple question. You’re in charge of me.”

  The doorbell rings. At seven in the morning. “Expecting company?” I tease.

  Leo looks panicked. “Ah. Not that I know of.” He grabs his coffee and scurries to open the door. My curiosity is piqued, and that’s putting it mildly. If this is white lace panties, I want to see her.

  I slide off my jacket and walk up behind Leo. It’s a woman. A beautiful one at that—even though I can only see one side of her face. She’s talking to Leo in a low, irritated voice. She has the Boston accent. Without knowing anything else about her, I know that this is the spark woman. I touch Leo’s back, and he startles, jerking the door open. Our eyes meet. Fire and ice. Recognition and betrayal. Her green eyes slide to Leo once again.

  “Are you gonna invite me in? It’s cold out here.”

  He opens the door wider, even though I can see he doesn’t want to. The ridges of his shoulders are stiff and his muscles are coiled with discomfort. “I’m going into work today,” Leo says, “This is my friend Kendall,” he motions to me as he closes the front door. “Kendall, this is my…other friend, Avery.”

  I extend my hand as she pulls hers out of a glove and takes mine. “It’s lovely to meet you, Kendall. I was just checking in on the sick patient here. Looks like you beat me to it, huh?”

  “Just stopped by with coffee to get him going. I didn’t expect he’d be up and at ’em and ready for work when I got here. Seems he’s ready to get back there.”

  “Going a little stir crazy in the house,” Leo says. “Want me to make some coffee, Avery?”

  “Wouldn’t want to intrude on your coffee date.” Avery goes to put her glove back on, eyes turned down, but I see her catch sight of my wedding ring. Her eyes widen.

  “I’m the new linguist at Harbour Point,” I say, demanding her attention—so I can tell her the truth. The truth I want her to believe. “I’m teaching Leo Spanish.”

  Her discomfort eases, and Leo’s ratchets up. “I’m the intruder right now. I’ll see you at work, Callaway. Have lessons from last week ready to review. Okay?” Professional. I’m so damn professional. As much as I’d love all of Leo’s attention, he’s not mine. I have a husband. If Leo is trying to ignite the spark again, I will not stand in the way of his happiness. Not my business. Even if I feel like it is.

  “Kendall is my friend from Bronze Bay,” Leo inserts. Avery looks at me and then to Leo. “She’s my friend.”

  Avery nods, brows wrinkling. I’d be confused, too. He said it with such a fierceness, anyone would believe the definition of friend in that statement would seem to be more. “Glad to meet a friend of Leo’s?” Avery says, cocking her head. “I think.”

  I nod furiously. “Yes. It is. Going to get to work now.” I walk back to the kitchen and throw on my jacket and slip my hands into my gloves. “Great to meet you, Avery. Callaway, I’ll see you in a bit.”

  Avery nods at me. I pass by them and my hand is on the knob when I hear her say, “How much time do you have?”

  I close my eyes. Hard. I catch Leo’s gaze before the door closes, and the same fire is there. The one I saw last night that made me uncomfortable. I set the fire that Avery is going to extinguish. The door clicks closed and I hastily make my way to my car repeating the mantra: He’s not mine. Friendship. He’s not mine.

  My mood plummets as I envision Avery tasting his delicious smelling skin. Touching him places I have never touched. Not even a kitten can improve the sourpuss mood I’ll have all day long.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  KENDALL

  WHITE LACE PANTY, SPARKLING Avery is exactly what I needed to check my brain and heart when it came to Leo. I’m able to dodge his flirting at work easily. I don’t play into his hand when he asks me a personal question. I use Avery as a wedge—a reason to keep him at arm’s distance. He deserves happiness with a woman who isn’t fucked up. Hell, let’s go with an available woman. I can tell Leo knows what I’m doing, but he’s letting me. Because he’s a good person? Or because he thinks it may be good for my marriage? I don’t know, but I’ve been far less confused lately.

  “Invite him over for dinner,” Juliet exclaims, clapping her hands. She’s sitting on the bed with Coal in her lap. It’s been a couple of weeks since Adam brought him home and he’s allowed in all areas of our house now, but we’re in the guest room, door closed as we chit chat. I don’t want our voices to disturb Adam in the office. Juliet’s been here for a full week, and it’s been like having a part of my family walk back into my world after a dull hiatus. I feel complete.

  I take Coal from her and Juliet pouts. “It’s an awful idea. Adam would balk. Trust me. Leo is not his favorite.”

  Juliet rolls her eyes. “It’s for me. I need a man on this coast. A distraction. I’ve been so busy with school, I don’t even remember what sex feels like.” She laughs, and I do, too, but there’s a hint of unease.

  I swallow hard. “He’s taken,” I offer instead of telling her that I’d be jealous if she had sex with Leo. That I’d never be able to look at her again if she stole that which I covet most. “I mean, if you want to meet him, that’s one thing.” I twirl my wedding ring.

  “Wait. What aren’t you telling me?” she lowers her voice. “Is there something going on with Leo and you?”

  I widen my eyes and shake my hands in front of me. “Of course not. No.” I wish. I wish. I wish. “It’s complicated. Our friendship. Because he knows me and he’s sort of been there for me as someone to talk to after Noel.”

  “Shouldn’t you be talking to your husband about that? I’m still so angry you didn’t tell me how you were really doing. I never would have guessed. Everyone handles loss differently. I trusted you when you said you were working through it and were feeling okay. Meanwhile, Adam tells me you’ve been in a really bad place. I don’t want to find out through him about my best friend.”

  Coal meows and I scratch his chin. “I’m sorry. It seemed I was taking down everyone around me and I didn’t want to worry you. Or bother you. I knew you were so busy. My sadness was all consuming. I can see now how awful a mistake not talking to you was.”

  “Shut up right now. That’s what best friends are for! That’s what they do. They take the suck for each other. Don’t ever hide anything like that from me again.” Oh, God. Is this my chance to tell another soul about Leo? About what I feel? What I don’t feel for Adam? It wasn’t until yesterday that I’d realized Adam hasn’t tried to have sex with me again. Not after that second time. He hasn’t questioned why I remained sleeping in the guest room after the kitten was set free in the house. I didn’t even think about it. It wasn’t even on my radar.

  “Our marriage is fucked. It’s such a mess. I don’t know how to fix it. There are like these really high-highs that dot a curtain of misery. He’s not happy. I’m…I don’t know what I am anymore. The therapist says we’re close to being all better because we’re meeting all these wickets, but I
don’t know. I’m not even sure how to try anymore.”

  Juliet doesn’t look shocked, but concern creases her features. “Do you want to fix it?”

  I think about how best to explain it. “Do you know how you associate one thing with another? There’s something broken inside me, I think. The association is too strong.”

  “Explain,” Juliet deadpans, grabbing my hand.

  “It’s going to sound crazy.” I clutch her fingers for support.

  She gives me the look like I don’t even know what crazy is.

  Grinning I say, “When I tweeze my eyebrows I think about Fifty Shades of Grey. When I look out the kitchen window while I’m washing a plate I think about that one dancing scene from Dirty Dancing. When I put lotion on my face at night I think about the scent of a freshly cut lawn. None of it makes sense and the association happened at some point that I can’t recall, right? It must have. But they’re all strong associations I can’t kill, but they’re harmless. Like, who cares if I think about the red room of pain while I tweeze my brows?”

  Juliet nods, like she understands exactly what I mean. “And Adam. The association tied to him is?”

  “You’re not like using all your medical knowledge to dissect me, are you?”

  “I’m not a damn shrink. I think I know where you’re going with this, though. Tell me. What’s the association with Adam?”

  Sucking in a breath, I hold it. I look at Coal. “Not what you’d think.” Shifting, I set the kitten down and stand from the bed. I open the closet and pull out the urn. I set the box on the dresser. “That’s her urn. That’s Noel.” I swallow hard, but tears don’t come. I’m ready to move forward. I have to be. My life is dwindling by. Tears prick in Juliet’s eyes.

  “When I look at Adam, only after I haven’t seen him for a while, I see how he used to be. That red hat and deck shoes, drinking beer on the boat. Not a care in the world. He’s always laughing. That big, huge laugh that made everyone around us join in.” I pull the urn out and set it down. “This happened,” I choke out. “He didn’t want to keep the ashes. He cleaned the crib and all of the things in this room out one day when I was gone. I get it. It’s weird. She was full term, but she never lived outside of me.”

  “She was alive, though, Kendall.” Juliet rises and puts her hand on my shoulder.

  I nod. “The association is so happy that it makes me appalled at what he’s become. I can’t replace the Adam association.” I shrug, and fall into Juliet’s embrace. “You ask me if I want to fix my marriage to Adam, and the answer is no.” She pulls back to look at me in my eyes. I go on, “Because I want him to be the association and he will never be with me in his life. I’m not the right person for him. I never was.”

  “Jesus. If you know this, why are you still here?”

  “I don’t know how to move on.” I wipe under my eyes, and Juliet releases me. I slide the urn back into the box and hide it in the closet.

  “Because if you leave him you’re leaving her?” Juliet nods at the closet. Noel.

  “Adam is a man who sees something through. It’s how he was raised. To not give up on something. Once you make a decision you stick with it. Through sickness and through health.”

  Juliet’s eyes turn down in the corner. “This is different. You’re both suffering.”

  “Isn’t a marriage something worthy of being fought for?”

  Juliet lowers her voice and looks over her shoulder at the door. “You’re not fighting. You’re floundering. You’re making excuses.”

  “I am fighting,” I retort, folding my arms across my chest. “I had sex with him.”

  She lowers her chin. “He’s your husband. Why wouldn’t you have sex with him?”

  I look to the right. She’s right. “It took a long time to cross over into intimacy because I was so afraid of everything that could happen.”

  She sighs. “You’ve been through so much. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you. I’m just now realizing how dark that hole you’ve been climbing out of was. You will get through this. I don’t have any advice for you. It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do.” Do I? “And you’ve been happier lately, so that’s a step in the right direction.”

  Coal meows, reminding us that he’s waiting for attention. Guilt strikes. I cover my eyes. “Because of Leo.”

  “I just asked you if something was going on with that man,” Juliet hisses.

  I shake my head. “Nothing is going on. He has a girlfriend or something. We really are just friends.”

  Juliet glares. “Like you were friends when we were seniors in high school and we’d sneak out to the beach to see him all the time? Like then? Like when you were obsessed with him and wrote a poem about the color of his eyes in your math notebook? Or just friends like when you were certain he was going to kiss you that night at the beach and then you cried all night when he didn’t?” Juliet falls back on the bed. “Like that?”

  I clear my throat. “I don’t even remember those things.” I lie.

  “The only difference is now you’re a bit more grown up but just as vulnerable because of the situation.” We both stay silent. “Invite the man over for dinner. I need to talk to him. Get a feel for this whole thing. I know you well enough to help you.”

  Help. Lord, do I need it. She’s right. “I won’t keep anything else from you. This is the worst of it. I promise.”

  “You’re over there calling Leo Callaway your friend. You’re still keeping shit from me. But I’ll let you because your damn husband is in the room next door.”

  I hang my head. “It’s so confusing. Complicated.”

  She groans. “I’ll give you that. You always seem to get mixed up with this man. Did you ever stop to wonder why?”

  “Like, how? Like meant to be? Written in the stars?”

  She shakes her head. “That’s too obvious. More nefarious. Maybe he’s obsessed with you. Maybe he knows exactly what he’s doing. Having you at his work. Driving a wedge into your marriage. Finally getting you all to himself.”

  “No. No way. Why does your brain work like that?”

  She makes another guttural noise. “I keep the television on in the background when I’m studying late at night. It’s always those crime shows. Or the one where the wife kills her husband when she finds him cheating.” Juliet sits up, her eyes are wide. “Is Adam cheating on you?”

  “You’re insane. He isn’t.” Even as I say it, I wonder if he is. I wouldn’t know. Not anymore, anyway. “I wouldn’t blame him, but there’s no way. No way.”

  “What if he was?” she whispers. “That would make everything so much easier.”

  I cock my head. “I forgot how crazy you were. I thought college would fix that. What are you suggesting?”

  “Nothing. Nothing. Call Leo. Invite him over for dinner tonight.” Juliet walks into the bathroom and closes the door almost all the way. I hear the toilet flush in the hallway bathroom. Adam. I open the door as he returns to his office, closing the door without a backwards glance.

  I knock on the door softly. He calls for me to come in. “Hey, um, Juliet suggested we invite Callaway over for dinner. Do you have any thoughts?” My bare feet chill against the hardwood in here. It always seems about ten degrees colder than the rest of the house.

  Adam spins in the desk chair to face me. “Do I have any thoughts? Which ones do you want, Ken?”

  Oh, God. I don’t want a fight. Or a talk. The latter a worse fate than the former. “Would you mind if Leo comes over for dinner? I’m asking you first before I invite him. Of course.”

  “Of course,” Adam parrots.

  “Of course you mind? Or of course he can come over for dinner? I’m going to roast a chicken.”

  “Whichever you want, Kendall. Whichever you want.” It’s a horrible idea and I know it, but that doesn’t stop me. Nope. Me and bad ideas are thick as thieves. “I’ll have him come over at six.”

  “Looking forward to it.” Adam spins back around, but I can see his s
cowl reflecting in his computer monitor. Deciding against further discussion, I leave the office, rubbing my arms to quell the goosebumps that prickle my skin. How can I be so stupid?

  I pop my head back into his office. “Adam.” I lean my head against the door frame.

  He grunts. “I can have him bring his girlfriend over. Would that be too many people for one roast chicken?”

  He turns once again and his face has changed completely. “I’ll run out and get a second chicken. What for a side? More green beans?”

  I smile widely. “That would be amazing. Thank you.”

  He beams back at me. “You going to sleep in our room tonight?”

  I wink at him. “Let’s make that happen.” I close his door, and this time I’m shivering for another reason.

  Give and take.

  _______________

  Leo doesn’t bring Avery. But he does bring a big bouquet of yellow flowers. Wildflowers. My favorite kind since childhood. A fact Adam honed in on straight away. He eyed me as I put them in the same vase a bouquet of flowers he gave me not long ago came in. I try my best to play at indifference as Adam’s irritation grows.

  “Avery couldn’t make it?” Adam calls out, as he watches me fluff the stems. Leo replies politely and then resumes his conversation with Juliet. Adam slaps a palm on the counter and stalks up behind me. His breath is hot on my exposed shoulder. The off-the-shoulder shirt is something my best friend pulled out of the back of my closet. It’s light pink, and the last time I wore it was college. I think. Adam drops a kiss on my exposed skin, and I try my best not to let it bother me. Focusing instead on evening out the flowers.

  “You look beautiful,” Adam whispers. “I remember this top.”

  “Thank you. I’m glad someone remembers it.” I chuckle a bit under my breath. “I must have had too much to drink when I wore it last because I don’t remember it at all.”

  I catch Leo’s eyes, through the big bouquet. He’s staring at Adam and me. Fury. Lust. Desperation. I see all of it. Can feel it rolling off him like heat waves. I flick my gaze away quickly. “I can’t wait to take it off you tonight.” Adam kisses my shoulder again, voice a harsh promise.