The Lies You Love Read online

  Copyright © 2021 Rachel Robinson

  All rights reserved.

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  Cover Photography by Lindee Robinson

  Editing by My Brother’s Editor

  Editing by J. Wells

  Formatting by My Brother’s Editor

  Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the above author of this book. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental.

  For Julie, with all my love

  The good news is nothing lasts forever.

  The bad news is nothing lasts forever.

  Prologue

  Beck

  The bar is wrecked. Tables and chairs are tipped, cracked, and missing legs—the whole dining area of Silver Moon looks as if a tornado ripped through it. A song from the fifties made popular again by an app where teens fumble around dancing, is blaring through the sound system. As the heavy glass door swings closed behind me, dust gusts forward, sliding across the sticky wooden floor. It’s ghostly and eerie for a place that’s typically sloshing with life. Of course, I’ve prepared for this scenario countless times, but a chill of premonition slips across my skin forcing my stomach to turn.

  A woman’s soft cry trickles through during a low beat in the music, and I realize the music is just as nefarious as what’s taking place in the back room. The catchy tune is playing to cover the mayhem that awaits me. I left my apartment in a rush, so I don’t have my automatic weapon, the one that would lend me the upper hand in any situation. Reaching behind my back, I pull out my sidearm, a simple pistol. The backup gun. Another roil from my stomach, except this time it’s audible. Pressing my back against the wall of the bar, I make my way, stepping over broken liquor bottles. Another moan forces my feet to move quicker. My heart pounds, and I curse it. I was reliable. I was a stealthy, slick killer. A protector without any weaknesses. That was another life, though. I fell in love, and it destroyed my entire world. It gave me a weakness so great I never thought it possible.

  “Come in and join the party,” a man calls, knowing full well I’ve arrived. There aren’t backups to call at this point. I sent them away, but again, that was before I knew everything. Now it’s all different, and I can’t change it. I can only face it head-on and lean into my training. The tiny plastic cardinal in my back pocket hurts as I push my weight back. A reminder of the happiest period of my life is now a pain in my ass. Literally.

  There’s a black room-dividing curtain at the end of the bar, and I slide it aside to peer into the room. There’s a spotlight, no, a skylight that is beaming light from the rooftop garden down onto two folding chairs. Sitting in those chairs are two women. One I have sworn my life to protect, and the other, well, she’s the reason I’ve become weak. It’s the woman I’m madly in love with. They’re bloody. Red stains saturating their clothing and sections of hair, heads tilted down, hands and feet bound to the chair, and their bodies are… lifeless. My breathing speeds as I take another step into the room, trying to see if there are any signs of life. A finger twitching, a chest rising or falling—anything to indicate I haven’t failed them completely. It’s one thing to fail the woman I love, the woman who I would do anything for, but it’s quite another to let my Principal, the woman I’ve sworn to protect at all costs, die on my watch.

  He steps into the light, the malevolence shining in his bright blue eyes. “Don’t worry, mate,” Hudson deadpans, stretching a long silver sword out and putting it under both their chins. “They’ve had a ton of drugs. The good stuff. They aren’t even remotely aware of what planet they’re on right now.” He raises the sword, lifting their chins, so their faces are visible. This is the moment I should raise my gun and shoot him in his face, but I can see how sharp the blade is because rivulets of blood begin dripping down their necks from where the sword’s edge rests under their chins. My heart thuds. He’d kill them before the bullet hit his body.

  “We’re going to play a game,” he says, pretending to stumble but holding the sword steady. My eyes are locked on them, on his weapon, trying to formulate a plan that would free them both with the least damage, but I come up blank. Feelings and duty cloud my judgment. I shouldn’t care anymore, but the pull is strong.

  I don’t look at him; I can’t. “What game?” I say, but it comes out as a whisper. “What do you want?”

  “You know what I want, Beck, but you took it from me,” Hudson says, his Australian accent thick. “And it seems she is gone for good now, back to her happy life.” He looks over at the women, and his hand holding the sword shakes—just barely. Taking things from people is dangerous business. Taking people from people, well, even I know that’s not a possibility. Hearts are tricky things. They’re also the reason I’m so fucked right now.

  “Put the sword down,” I counter, terrified he’s going to hit an artery. “Put it down carefully,” I amend. Their heads are deadweight, so they’re leaning into the blade. Any slight movement will mean a grave fate. “Be rational. We can talk about this.”

  “It’s too late for talking. I’ve already promised the Rifts I’d take care of this mess. Do you know how much they’d pay for them? This kind of quality?” Hudson lowers the sword, and their heads fall forward, chins to their chests, except now there’s even more blood. My pulse hammers. “You’ve made me so upset I’m willing to forgo the payday and make you choose which one they’re getting.”

  “What?” I take a step toward him.

  “Put the gun down, Beck, and don’t come any closer. Let’s make a deal!” He rubs the handle of the sword between both of his hands like a giddy child unable to sit still. His pupils are large and dilated, and I know he’s on something, too. “Actually, it’s your only option.”

  I crouch down and set the gun on the floor. He tells me to kick it away, and I do.

  “What’s the deal?” I ask, losing my breath as I see a deep cut on Ramsey’s thigh. I have to tell myself she can’t feel it because she’s probably coked out of her mind. “What’s the fucking deal, Hudson?”

  He tsks me. “First things first, don’t talk to me like that. I’m the one in control. You’re just a weak piece of shit who couldn’t keep his head on straight. How upsetting it must be for you. To be this bad at your job? To have the reason you’re in a tough spot be because you couldn’t help yourself. You just couldn’t!” Hudson is amusing himself with my poor decisions. He’s being truthful, at least. This is all my fault. I wasn’t careful enough. I didn’t handle my relationships in a methodical way. The carelessness trickled in the moment I opened my heart.

  “What’s the deal?” I ask again.

  He dances a little, whipping the sword in the air, so it makes a whooshing slice noise. “Did you know I trained as a ninja? In the mountains of Japan for a decade. I didn’t have exposure to the outside world,” Hudson says. “That means I could kill them both before you take another step if I wanted to.” More sword slicing cuts the music, except now he’s doing it to the beat while thrusting his hips. He is a motherfucking psychopath.

  “It makes sense you’d have some sort of skill they wanted.”

  Slinging drinks as the new bartender was always a cover. I knew that. He knew I knew that. What I wasn’t sure of was what exactly his part was inside the Rift’s elaborate crime ring that’s unfolded before my eyes. As I
watch his dance moves, I realize he is a maniacal hermit henchman who got burned by a woman. Hudson doesn’t have fundamental personal people skills. This is the outcome of the decade he was shuttered away practicing ninjitsu. Hudson has to be the distraction. I glance behind me, desperate to be right. That would mean there’s someone logical here I could reason with. Hudson’s handler. There’s no one, though.

  “I’m ready to make a deal.”

  His eyelids lower to slits. “Like you have another option?”

  He dances forward, dragging the blade across and in front of him. His sword skills are impressive; I give him that. “Tell me.”

  “One of them leaves here alive, with you, right now. To be sold when we catch her on another day, the other one dies. Right here, right now. As you walk away from her.”

  My heart pounds and my pulse ricochets in my ears. My blood, hot and filled with adrenaline, pumps quicker than it ever has.

  “The fun part is you get to choose, Beck. You tell me which one of these best friends gets to live. I could easily sell them both, but watching this unfold is my wildest dream come true.”

  I can’t look at her. I have to concentrate on Ramsey. Ramsey’s heartbeat. Always protect the heartbeat. She has to be my choice. Anything else would render me a failure. I will be put to death.

  When I stay silent, breathing rapidly, Hudson goes on. “The one you love? Or the one you are duty-bound to protect at all costs? What’s the choice? Who dies?”

  He cackles, dragging the sword gently across their shoulders one at a time until their shirts fall, exposing their blood-stained bras.

  “I’m on the edge of my seat,” he proclaims. “Should I take off more clothes to help you decide? That seems to be a weakness of yours. This one. Naked.” He extends the blade once more.

  “Stop. I’ve made my choice. But no catching the one you free on another day. She’s always safe from the Rifts.” I’m shocked my voice doesn’t shake. I’m not choosing what I want for dinner. I’m sealing a fate and taking a soul. I am the grim reaper incarnate.

  Hudson lowers the weapon. “Fine. Who then? Get to the good part. Who dies today?”

  “Me,” I say. “Kill me. Let the women go free.”

  He shakes his head, gaze glinting evil. “That wasn’t the game. That’s the easy way out. Tell me who dies and who lives. It’s your one chance to play God. You’re running out of time. I’m losing patience.”

  I knew it would come to this, and even still, I can’t think of any way out of it. Not when I know what he’s capable of with that sword. I also know what she’s capable of.

  I extend my pointer finger out. “She dies,” I say.

  Hudson’s eyes light—a malevolent twitch shakes his lower jaw. “A surprising choice,” he replies, but he’s already lost in bloodlust as he raises the blade. It gleams when the light from the skylight strokes the metal just right, nearly blinding me. The scent of iron mixes with stale beer, and I retch. My heart feels like it’s beating out of my chest. I fall back, landing against the cement floor with a thud, smashing the plastic bird in my back pocket.

  He slides the razor blade edge across her throat, and blood sprays out like a fan as he severs her head.

  Always.

  Protect.

  The.

  Heartbeat.

  CHAPTER ONE

  Beck

  The beginning…

  If it’s a summer weekend, she’s here. Laying nearly naked at the top of a parking garage in a silver bathing suit. She looks like an alien, all mottled red and brown, a sheen of tanning oil slicked over every square inch of her body, even places the sun doesn’t touch. Ramsey Taerpietier was a magnificent creature. One of intrigue and wealth. A woman every other woman aspired to be in one facet or another. Her looks were as impressive as her mind, and her pension for philanthropy rivaled no one. Who she was doesn’t matter because now, she’s living a completely different life. Through my binoculars, I watch her flip to her stomach like a roasting pig on a spit. I check my watch. Fifteen minutes on the dot. She’ll be finished in a half hour when she’s reached maximum exposure, and the heat has rendered her a puddle of irritated sweat.

  Her best friend, Auden, lives in the building she’s on top of, so she’ll walk down, lugging her plastic, folding lounge chair, and let herself in with the spare hide-a-key from under the gnome in the hallway. It’s unsafe to hide a key, but I don’t care. I’m not protecting her best friend’s heartbeat; I’m protecting Ramsey’s. When she’s over here, I make sure she’s safe. There’s a lull in entertainment as Ramsey showers, drifting away from her bugged cell phone that lets me hear her at almost all times. Listening to her laugh at cat memes while she takes a shit is annoying, but she just phoned Auden and told her she was deviating from her standard plan to grab a drink at the Silver Moon, and I’m thankful I listened to her every sentence. There are some seedy characters who own and run that bar. Drugs and trafficking are their specialties. If they knew who Ramsey was in her former life? A disaster.

  When the program sends a person into hiding, the location is usually a remote, desolate town without much infrastructure. My case, and this Principal, isn’t that. I’m not saying my job is harder than other Charge Men who guard their own Principals in rural, one-road-drag places, but being in a busy city definitely complicates things. There are more places and humans to protect them from. Ramsey refused to leave the city. She bucked back, creating so much drama that they decided to give her what she wanted. My assignment to her was mostly random, but I do have insider knowledge because I’ve lived in the city for a bit, and own a place here, so I think the powers that be took that into consideration when assigning Ramsey as my Principal.

  Last week when she was jogging through the park, I think she was targeted. I was running behind her, keeping a safe distance, like I always do, when a man came out of nowhere. His clothing was black, and shadows rendered his face nondescript. His intentions couldn’t be read, but I know nefarious when confronted with it. There was a moment before he lunged in her direction that he realized she wasn’t alone—that a large man was beating the trail behind her. He jolted, gazed around suspiciously, and retreated into the trees behind him. I would have chased him down and interrogated him until he was bloody and beaten, but I needed to keep my eyes on Ramsey in case he wasn’t a solo hitter. A team could be working the trail. The next morning, I hammered in a sign that said CLOSED. I put it right where she entered the maze of running trails and prayed she’d obey. A lot of my days are spent praying she obeys.

  If anything were to happen to her, I’d lose my job and probably my life. It’s not that she’s overtly unruly or seeking trouble; it’s merely that she’s used to doing, and getting, what she wants. According to her phone call to Auden, she wants a gin and tonic, midday on a Saturday, from Silver Moon. Auden works a street over at a small pet boutique she owns and runs herself. While Ramsey always sunbathes on her roof on the weekend, Auden always works. I hightail it inside my apartment to change clothes. I wasn’t expecting to leave today, but at the prospect of trouble at the Silver Moon, I can’t help the thrill of excitement. My building, which is also Ramsey’s building, is adjacent to Auden’s. I live one floor up from her. The stairwell is next to my door, and I can be at Ramsey’s apartment in less than thirty seconds if I need to be. Living on the same floor as her was too much of a risk. Casual conversation would turn into acquaintances that knock on each other’s door to borrow sugar, and from that, bad news. Charge Men who befriend their Principals live in dangerous territory. Romantic lines cannot be crossed, and love is forbidden.

  A Charge Man from the past blew everything we thought we knew out of the water. He fell in love with his Principal after he’d been deprogrammed from feeling love or lust. He continued to love her after they sent him to the lab a second time for more experimental deprogramming. Deprogramming from love was something that Charge Men had done because it enhanced the ability to protect without dist
raction. There is a new boss in charge at the program headquarters who now asserts that the deprogramming process isn’t necessary, so when I came into the fold, I didn’t have it done. My dick still works when I want it to, but the rules are tighter. We now protect in rotations. One month guarding, one month off for a real life.

  My replacement, Grey, knows Ramsey and her habits as much as I do, so there’s no fear for her safety from either side. It’s a seamless transition—back and forth. The nightly reports we have to write up are endless and take a long time, but every detail about her life is essential or could prove to be significant at some point. I gladly accept the heavy administrative duties because it means I get to have a work-life balance. Charge Men who have come before me didn’t have any balance. They were on guard one-hundred-percent of the time. Grey was on his former Principal full-time without breaks. Before that one, he was substituting on an emergency on-call basis when on breaks from the lab at headquarters. He arrives tomorrow, and not a moment too soon. I’m bleary-eyed and in need of some rest and relaxation. Some of my friends are coming into the city from the burbs for another friend’s bachelor party, and I’ve been invited to join.

  I exit the bottom floor of my apartment building just as Ramsey hides her face with a pair of big sunglasses. There are times that I think she knows she has a guard detail on her, and other times when she acts frightened all the time. When submerged in the program, you’re told only what you need to know and not a single detail more. I’m glad she made a friend in Auden so quickly because that really took some pressure off. I didn’t have to worry about her mental health as much because she had someone to talk to, even if she couldn’t be fully honest about why she was upset or any other facet of her life. Ramsey has a cover story. This is a new life. A new world. In the same city she has loved her entire life. It is a bizarre set of circumstances.