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  I want to tell her I feel all the things I used to. When I was a child I could feel everything, though I cannot remember any of it. Not a single memory that contains even a clue about what I used to feel—about the person I used to be. My stomach drops with the realization. I could have been similar to Lana and Bec and I would not even know it.

  I take a long deep breath. “I feel fear…and now anger,” I tell her honestly.

  Bec rolls her eyes. “She’s as good as dead,” she says.

  “I am not! I need the correction,” I say, even though I know the correction means my death. They both roll their eyes again. Lana looks forlorn, like she made a grave mistake in taking me from nothingness.

  “Go ahead, Lana. Correct her now. Save us all a lot of time and energy. You know it’s what he’ll do anyways. Fear and anger is what she feels. What’s next? She thinks something’s wrong with her…it’s too late. How old are you Emma?” Bec asks after she finishes saying horrible things that make my stomach hurt.

  “I just had my birthday. I am eighteen.” I hold my chin higher. At my declaration, Lana raises her bow and aims at my heart—a heart that is pumping rapidly in fear…in confusion. Bec raises her sword from her side and targets my neck. I feel the cold metal against my skin and my eyes glow white. The terror is too much. I no longer control my own body. It is as if magic takes over ever cell in my body, urging me to do as it pleases, promising camaraderie, friendship…power.

  “No!” A burst of hot magic explodes out of my body, shaking the air that surrounds me. The magic is fiery and grey and electrified with undercurrents of wrath. It is the first time I have fully used dark magic and it feels…right.

  Lana and Bec are sprawled on the ground several paces away, blasted from the backlash of my outburst. Their faces are dirty, angry, and hold more darkness than even my magic. They stand in unison and stalk toward me, a perfect balance of skill and feral talent. I did not want to hurt them, nor did I mean to. I am suddenly angry at myself—at the fact that I have control over nothing.

  “I do not want to die. I do not want to die like her,” I say as I sit on the ground, weary. Lana puts an arm across Bec’s chest to stop her approach. They lower their weapons at the same time.

  “Strike one, darkling,” Lana hisses. Bec’s gaze is furious. “The dark witches will know where you’re at now that you’ve used magic. My bow won’t kill you tonight, but I can’t say what they’ll do to you.”

  “What dark witches?” Bec asks, looking at Lana with confusion etched on her face.

  “She escaped them. They came for her today and she ran,” Lana explains.

  My eyes are blue again. I tell them, “I do not want that fate. My mother did not want that fate for me. Please protect me.” I bow my head and hope I look remorseful.

  “You just tried to kill us,” Lana says. “Two more strikes…maybe one more, and my arrow will deliver a fate of a different kind.” She throws the bow back over her shoulder and walks toward the circle of houses.

  I follow them quietly, fearful that I will upset them further. I am shaking because I used dark magic. I find it hard to concentrate on anything except the warm feeling that envelops my body, until we get closer to the circle.

  The houses look different up close. They are made out of black wood from the trees in nothingness. The structures do not look as sturdy as my house. There are no bars on the windows and I wonder if the circle is warded to keep the savages out.

  “Is it safe here?” I ask because fear is all I have known. Containment is safe and anxiety creeps into my awareness. The open fields surround the circle. Nothingness surrounds the fields. Creatures stalk the nothingness and the witches intermingle throughout. Containment is absent in such a place as this.

  “As safe as you make it. Keep your eyes blue, freak. You’re about the meet some people,” Bec says. I stay behind Lana when I see more darklings surround us. Their silver eyes analyze me. I grab the back of her tattered plaid shirt and keep my face down. I do not trust my magic to stay buried.

  “You are so naughty, Lana,” a girl sneers. Lana laughs. I relax a little when I realize she is not worried they will hurt me. I want to trust her, I want to trust all of these darklings, but I need to trust myself first. I used magic and did not mean to. A shiver runs up and down my spine.

  “You know me. Always shaking things up.” She looks around the crowd, searching for a particular person. “And pissing off Finn,” Lana barks, laughing enthusiastically. “Is he around?”

  “No, he’s out right now,” the girl tells her. I raise my face to look at those around me. They gasp and gawk when they see my eyes.

  “Yeah, yeah. She’s a little freakish looking. The hair. The blue eyes that belong in outer space. I know, but she’s not gone yet,” Lana tells them. I will the corners of my mouth up even though I do not feel the emotion connected to it. I have the need for their acceptance here.

  “I am Emmalina Weaver. I like your circle.” I gesture to their residences. I do not know why they laugh, but I smile again and it is easier this time. The anger and fear ease into something more manageable and I feel numb as contentment washes over me. Not emotional contentment, because that is impossible. It is just a blank sense of being “okay” and not in immediate danger.

  They invite me to their fire and I sit with them. Perched on a tree trunk, I study the unfamiliar faces through the red, crackling fire that burns brightly in front of me. I listen to their stories like the words in my book. They seem trivial, meaningless, hollow words, but unlike the words in my book these words are paired with faces…and feelings. The darklings smile and laugh a lot. Lana leans over and touches another’s leg while bursting into a fit of giggles. I watch them with a detached sense of longing. I can no longer remember memories from my childhood that were full of life and sprinkled with sentiment. My fond emotions are now mute, but I can almost picture my facial expressions…and my mother’s laugh. I close my eyes to will a memory to surface, but something else happens instead. Something I am not prepared for.

  I feel the energy of the fire, of the darklings, of everything surrounding me. I feel like I can soak it into my skin and absorb it into my being. I want to take this new power I feel and release it into the world…because I am furious and terrified. I am feeling all the undercurrents of the emotions I have to my name. Spite, dread, shock, scorn, disgust, but most of all I feel envy. It overwhelms me. In this weakened moment my magic slips—my eyes glow white, and my body shakes with the electric current that preludes an outburst of dark magic.

  A fist connects with the side of my face. It leaves me with a metallic taste and a subtle throb of pain. Surprisingly the feelings are gone, including the anger. Blood trickles out of my mouth and the warm feeling as it slides down my face comforts me.

  “That’s strike two, freak,” Lana jeers. Her face is full of malice and her silver eyes alarm me. “It’s one thing if you blast me with your perpetual lightning storm, but quite another if you fuck with my friends.”

  “I cannot control it,” I mutter. “I was just remembering something and it took over my body…I swear.” I wipe my lip with the cuff of my shirt and stand up.

  “Don’t think you can use feeling or remembering as an excuse just because it worked in the forest. I know of your kind, remember? You’re shrewd. You’ll use our feelings against us,” Lana says as she grabs the back of my shirt and leads me away from the group. She takes me to one of the houses in the circle and holds the door open for me.

  I walk in and examine everything. I take in every single detail I can notice from where I stand. To determine the weakness of the structure and to take into account every single point of entry in the house. “Four windows and one door,” I say out loud after my study is complete. Lana looks at me sideways as she takes off her bow and quiver and places them by a bed.

  “Yeah, nice counting, Ace,” she smarts. “You can sleep on the bed on that side of the room.” She picks up a knife and starts sharpening it. I s
it on the threadbare bed she indicates, yet I worry because it is underneath one of the windows. She slides the blade down a stone, and then looks at me.

  “If you’re telling the truth and you really were remembering something when the freak show started out there, then tell me. You can start finding yourself quicker if you are able to pull up memories from when you actually felt something—other memories from before you were an asshole.”

  I cross my arms over my chest when I realize all the names she calls me are derogatory.

  “My name is Emmalina. Please do not call me other names, as that is disrespectful.”

  Lana laughs loudly, but does not miss a beat as she skims the large blade over the rock one more time. She silences and waits for me to speak.

  “I was remembering when I was a child. My mother was laughing as she ran after me in our yard. It was from a time before I knew creatures—or savages as you call them—even existed. I felt no fear. It is the only memory I have that does not involve fear. I had all my emotions then and fear was absent.” I bring my fingers up to the corner of the mouth and they come away bloody.

  “I have a similar memory except I know what I was feeling. Our caretakers never let us forget,” Lana says as she hands me a damp cloth, the knife still in her hand.

  I press it to my lip and speak through it. I idly wonder about the caretakers she speaks of, but the need to defend my mother wins out. “My mother did not let me forget. I am as I should be, as I am meant to be. She was only readying me for my fate.” As the words leave my mouth I start to worry about their truth. There was another way and my mother decided against it. I trusted her judgment implicitly, but now I know another source forced her hand.

  Lana grabs my hand and lays it palm up in hers. She takes the knife, now sharp as a razor blade, and slowly drags it across my hand. I wince, but I do not remove my hand. Her silver eyes lock on mine and I feel compelled to stay in this moment. Blood drips from my hand and I hear it drum on the wooden floor in rhythmic taps. The pain is searing, but there is nothing else inside me. Emptiness.

  “She did let you forget, but the pain will help you remember,” she says.

  My mind is on the border of something, or perhaps I am about to burst with magic again, but I feel different.

  Lana smiles with approval.

  “Your eyes are blue,” she says.

  Chapter Three

  January 11th, Morning

  I sleep without fear for the first time since childhood. All it takes is pain to remove the thing embedded so deeply that it breathes on its own, without my permission. I ball up my fist and cringe when I feel the small wound that resides on my palm. I heal quicker than a human, but without use of my magic I know it will be days before I heal completely. I welcome the challenge.

  My eyes pop open, adjust to the dark, and take in my surroundings. Lana is sitting on a bench by the large front window. Her head is propped on her hands, her bow on the windowsill in front of her. She has slept at the window all night, I am sure of it. When she hears me stir she turns her head to look at me, silent thought etched on her features.

  “You were there all night?” I ask. My attempt at making the bed is futile as there is one worn blanket and nothing else. I feel a twinge of something when I think of my bed back at home. My home. I miss it. I miss her. Anger.

  “No, why would I do that?” She turns back to the window, but I sense she is lying.

  “Because you are afraid of the creatures,” I tell her, sure she is just as afraid of them as I am. I make a fist to repress my anger.

  “The savages? I could kill those buffoons in my sleep. The truth of the matter is I’m afraid of what he’ll do to you…and me, when he gets back.” Something she says strikes me as odd.

  “You said he. You mean she. There are no male darklings.” Lana spins around on the bench to face me. She looks worn and weary.

  “Oh, I definitely meant he.” She smiles oddly and it confuses me further. If male darklings actually exist, it goes against everything I have learned in my studies of dark witches. To purify the bloodline, the witches with their nasty guard of savages kill all the half-human males at birth. The witches keep track of everything—they have complete control over this world.

  “There is one that was not killed? How is that possible? To cleanse the bloodline, only half human females are permitted to live to see their fate.” I quote from my studies. It was only yesterday that I realized how exactly they planned on cleansing the bloodline. Lana rubs the sleep from her eyes and rummages through a cabinet. I hope she is finding food for us.

  As she shuffles containers about she says, “Finn isn’t the only male who lives, oh, sheltered one.” She coughs to cover a laugh and resumes shaking packages and sniffing bags. “In the other circles there are more males. Here, it’s only Finn.”

  I am irritated when I see her close the cabinet empty handed. “One male and all these females?” I saw at least thirty the night before.

  “It’s not at all what you’re thinking. He gathers and trades for us at other circles every once in a while, but there is a decree prohibiting him from…how should I phrase it? Doing anything that might chance procreating. Your mother made a deal to spare your life and Finn made his own deal to spare his.” She shoots me a smug smile before lacing up her boots and signaling for me to follow her.

  I am intrigued about the idea of a male darkling, but suddenly uneasy about the mention of my mother’s sacrifice.

  “We’re headed to the lagoon. You reek, darkling.” I sniff my long sleeved tee and wrinkle my nose. It has blood, sweat, and ash from nothingness coating it, as do my pants. A bath is a good idea. “Remember, no funny business unless you want a repeat slicing,” Lana says as she mimics a knife dragging across her palm. She leads me out the door.

  All the little houses are quiet and black. There are no breezes, season changes, or inclement weather on earth. My mother used to speak of rain, tornados, and other fantastic variances in nature, but I wonder if they too were lies to occupy a young mind—something for me to grasp onto in the absence of feeling. I do not need her stories any longer. Just being outdoors without fear of the savages is monumental. I glance at Lana’s hand to make sure she carries her bow and I am relieved even further.

  “Lesson on staying alive numero uno, the savages can’t sense you if you aren’t being a super freak—a la glowing eyes and vibrating body. Keep your magic in check and your heart keeps beating…and you make my job a little easier. We have to go into the forest to get to the lagoon.” She pauses and then turns around to make sure I have heard her.

  I nod my head in agreement because I am unsure if I have control over my magic and a verbal yes would seem a lie. I do not want to lie to Lana. I ball up my fist to make sure the wound is still open and pain radiates up my arm. The pain buries what I do not wish to feel.

  I sigh in relief. “My mother never told me that,” I say quietly.

  Lana takes my hand and drags me to walk next to her. She swings up her bow to ready for the forest and tells me, “Emma, I’m willing to bet your mother didn’t tell you a lot of things.” A shiver rises up my back forcing my neck hairs to stand on end. The mere mention of the only person I have ever trusted omitting truths spurs fear.

  Lana notices she has upset me and changes the subject. “Tell me about the dark witches that came to your house.”

  I clutch my palm, forcing it open to bleed, and answer her. “There were five witches. They were almost identical. I was different compared to them, too,” I admit. She grabs my bleeding hand and shakes her head.

  “This isn’t a good habit to get into.” She smiles widely, pleased at my new trick. “I cut you last night to make a point.”

  “What was the point?” I ask.

  “Isn’t it obvious? You have control over yourself. You have control over your emotions still. The magic doesn’t. I cut you to hurt you…and to make you angry.”

  I stop walking, furious at what she points out.


  “Emma, you are basically a dark witch at this point. I’m the only person on the entire planet that will help you—that gives two shits if you live or die.” She places her hands on her hips and stares me down.

  I want my eyes to glow white out of defiance but cannot force myself to do it. I do not want the magic to overtake me.

  “Do you want my help?”

  I take three deep breaths. My heart is pounding and anger is blistering the atmosphere, but I know I do want her help. Lana gauges me for my response. She does not know how I will respond. Her eyebrows wrinkle in concern.

  I stay silent, so she continues. “I’ll take you to the Dark Citadel right now if that’s what you want. You’ll meet your new husband and he’ll be forcing his clean DNA into your body by eve. I mean fuck, who wouldn’t want that fate? He might even visit your bed first before the hundred other mindless darklings he’s married to. You’re so lucky, Emma.”

  Her words are callous and only stoke the ever-growing fire of rage inside my body. I want to kill her, I want to rearrange her delicate features into something befitting a monster. My anger is now fury.

  “It may not be a fate that you find appealing, but it is the fate that my mother bought for me with her life,” I say through gritted teeth. “She also said the dark witches will kill me when they are finished with me and no, I do not wish that fate, so I do need your help.” I notice the blood dripping from my hand and relax it by my side. My magic does not surface.

  “Smart move, darkling. We’re almost to the lagoon. Try to keep that hand wrapped up.” She tosses a brown satchel to me. It contains more vegetables. I see her smile before she turns and stalks off. She has angered me on purpose again.

  I reevaluate Lana. She is a brutal savage.

  Chapter Four

  January 11th, Afternoon

  “I promise there are absolutely zero savages in this water.” Lana is completely naked. She is thrashing about in the water like a person mad. She laughs as she watches me shake my head in refusal. The lagoon as she calls it, is a lake, entirely surrounded by nothingness. Likely, savages are peering at us from all angles. I whip my head around, sure an attack is eminent.