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  A tree branch snaps.

  Lana’s clothing hanging from it falls down to the ground. I am immediately suspicious. Her voice forces my attention again.

  “You stink, you’re dirty. Your magic freak switch is off. Get in the water and clean yourself, Emma,” she says before ducking below the murky water.

  She tells me it is a lake that actually survived from the old world. Not very much survived the magical blast that encompassed the globe. It fascinates me now that I am able to see such things up close. My mother’s stories did not do them justice. She told me about a huge war between light and dark witches from the old world. It came down to a single decision. The light witch, a Bruxa, as they were called back then, chose a path, threw a punch, and here we are. It was all because of love. It makes sense why the dark witches think emotions such a liability. If one emotion ended the old world—Earth, as it had been for billions of years–what would the others do? Sometimes I imagine the expansive universe swirling beyond my own planet and wonder what other beings on other planets feel, if anything. Is love enough to destroy the universe?

  Her dark hair glistens as she rises to the surface of the water. Knowing Lana is right, I remove my socks and boots, and stroll closer to the water. I put my feet in and realize the water is quite warm, if not hot. I slowly remove the rest of my clothing and wade into the water. Panic sets in when I look down and notice the water filled with ash conceals my feet. I hear something move behind me and make the rash decision to dive in without looking back.

  “I’m surprised you can swim,” Lana says as I rush toward her for protection. The water is waist deep. I cannot swim, but I do not tell her this.

  “There are things in nothingness. I keep hearing noises.”

  “Nothingness? I guess that’s what she’d want you to think. The forest is full of awful freaks of nature…even worse than you,” Lana says jokingly. “They are here to protect the Dark Citadel from us.”

  “How do the dark magic users control them?” I ask, genuinely interested.

  “Spells, casts…all the dark voodoo they are so perfect at. I’m sure you know how powerful they are, though. As long as we don’t use our magic–like we even want to–the savages leave us alone. We coexist sort of peacefully. That is until untamed darklings come barreling into our community with creepy eyes and witch husbands hunting them.”

  She washes her hair with both hands as she speaks. She dips her head, and then comes back up to continue her scrubbing. I follow her lead and carefully dip my head back to wet it, and mimic her movements.

  “Hey, when your hair is wet it looks darker…like a normal darkling,” Lana states, and then splashes me with a stream of black water. Her nature is playful.

  I wipe some water out of my eyes. “They will come for me,” I say, because I know the mistake needs correcting even though I fear it is not something I want anymore. Did I ever want it?

  Lana retreats into herself a touch. She wraps her arms around herself. “That’s why I’ve been waiting for Finn to come back. He’ll know what to do with you. I’m not sure how long it will take…” Lana lets her sentence trail off.

  “How long what will take?” I wring my hair out and watch the dark water drip off my ponytail. My blond hair does indeed look several shades darker from the ash. I smile. When I look up she is scrutinizing my face.

  “To fix you, Emmalina. I don’t know how long it will take. We’ve only been successful in saving a darkling from turning completely dark once…and she was a year younger than you are—she felt more.”

  I feel the gruesome hollowness as she speaks these words. I am irrevocably broken.

  “Go get our clothes. We’ll wash them next.”

  Like a robot I exit the water, completely nude, and pick up my clothes first, and then walk to where Lana’s lay in a pile on the ground. A quick glance proves nothing threatening at the border of nothingness, but I feel like the forest is full of everything, now. There is a hum of silence and I know something is there, watching me, stalking me. I scoop up Lana’s pile and run back into the water as quickly as I can manage. I feel the dark magic spiking in my system and it angers me that Lana is right. She is perfectly right.

  The walk back to the circle makes me less uneasy. My body is clean and I feel refreshed. My stomach is quite empty, but Lana assures me I will get used to it with time. When we break free of the forest and see the houses of the circle, I notice there is a large gathering of darklings in the center, where the fire was the night before.

  “What is going on?” I ask, hopeful she does not sense my panic. She grabs my hand and it feels warm and comfortable. She looks me over once and then again before she speaks.

  “He’s back, Emma. For the love of all that is human, keep your magic off. I know you don’t care, because that would mean that you feel something other than what you’re currently capable of, but if you enjoy my company at all, do this for me.” She raises her eyebrows in question. Her silver eyes pierce me. The thing, the pang I cannot control, lurches in my stomach. I know what it means. It means I almost feel something else. It is connected to the fact that I do want Lana to be safe from this male darkling. I am terrified what he will do to her because of me. I do not want someone else to pay for caring about my well-being.

  “I will do this for you,” I tell her. I smile. I decide I will use my dark magic against the male darkling if he tries to harm her.

  She pulls my muted hair into a ponytail and secures it in place with a strip of cloth. We walk slowly toward the darklings and the apprehension I sense has less to do with the unknown as it does for Lana’s safety. “You’re lucky you can’t feel anything,” Lana says as she surveys the circle from our distance.

  “That does not make me lucky,” I scoff. Either way I need to be fixed. The dark witches would wish to erase the anger and fear from my body, and the darklings would have me gain all of my emotions back. I do not feel fortunate in the least.

  “Just wait. It’s times like this I wish I was more like you,” Lana says darkly. Her words mystify me.

  “How could you wish that?”

  The crowd of darkling women part and I see him for the first time. He towers over all the others who look utterly enthralled by him. He spies us for the first time and Lana breathes out loudly. The male darkling starts toward us with ferocity in his stride.

  “Pull your shit together, Lana. Why does he pick today to not wear a shirt?” she says to herself mindlessly. I notice his apparel for the first time. He is indeed shirtless. I look at Lana. Her mouth is slightly ajar and a bead of sweat rolls down the side of her face.

  “Pull your shit together, Lana.” I repeat what she tells herself because I sense her nervousness and think it may help. She beams at me and shakes her head.

  “Get ready to meet your worst nightmare and your wildest dream, Emma. The unobtainable Finnegan White.”

  I study the man to find what Lana finds so obviously appealing. He causes an immediate reaction just by being present. His hair is lighter than the other darklings and it falls into his eyes. It is a dark brown, as opposed to the standard black. His eyes are darker silver, bordering on a brownish color. He has a muscular build, which is probably required as a male in this world. His skin is tanned genetically as there is no sun. I look him over many times, committing every part of him to memory, to catalog him. Lana’s breathing becomes sporadic and finally stops completely when he stops to stand in front of us.

  “What the fuck did you do now, Lana?” His tone is acidic, but his gaze is like molten fire as he takes me in. His eyes lock on mine. I stand stock still in fear. He must sense my otherness so I make a bold move.

  I extend my hand and let my voice take on a pleasing note.

  “I am Emma, Finn. I am pleased to meet you.” I let a huge grin spread across my face, my new favorite trick. I giggle exactly how Lana does. I feel Lana’s hand on my arm, holding me back or telling me to stop. Finn runs a hand over his mouth, then looks behind him to the othe
r darklings. I drop my extended hand. He turns back and looks over my body once more. I realize then he has not even glanced Lana’s way once. Lana starts breathing and finally answers him.

  “She isn’t gone yet, Finn.” I am offended she already outs me as different to the male darkling. For reasons unbeknownst, I want to know what he thinks of me without the prejudices I now know come along with my flawed being. Finn staggers back a few steps but does not speak. Lana, sensing Finn’s unease continues.

  “She is in control…she still feels.” I like that she omits the emotions I feel. I focus my gaze on his stomach. His muscles flex as he breathes in and out. It pleases me. He watches me watching him…I feel his eyes on me. I study his face and notice his jaw clenching.

  “You’re wrong about one thing, Lana. She is gone. She’s not staying here. She can’t. There isn’t enough room in this circle for her. If you want her to live, get her ready to go to the next circle over. I don’t want to see her again,” Finn says with finality in his voice. I look to Lana to gauge her reaction to see what my reaction should be. She is shocked with his words. I let my mouth gape open.

  “What’s your deal, Finn?” Lana barks. He finally tears his gaze from me and looks at Lana for the first time. He shakes his head subtly and his forehead wrinkles in confusion. He peeks at me once more out of the corner of his eye.

  He looks back at Lana, but speaks to me, “I said get out of my sight.” I shrug my shoulders, a very human gesture, and leave them behind as I meander down to the crowd to find Bec.

  I hear Finn and Lana’s voices rise when I walk away. I tune them out as is respectful, but I hear a snippet of Lana’s words.

  “…she’s not going anywhere. I saw how you looked at her and that is your problem. Not mine and definitely not hers.”

  Although I do not understand the undercurrent of her words I know that Lana is my very first friend.

  Chapter Five

  January 11, Night

  “You should have seen it, Bec. He was all hot and bothered—looking at Emma like she was the only woman left on earth. It was ridiculously weird. I’ve never seen him like that.” Bec and Lana sit on a bed with their legs crossed beneath them chattering away. I sit in front of a mirrored piece of glass pulling a brush through my hair. With each stroke my blond color returns, the ash floating away.

  “What did she say to him?” Bec asks.

  “She introduced herself in that robotic way…except she laughed. It almost sounded real, too. Good job with that, Emma. It may have saved your life.” I smile at her when I see her glance at my reflection. “It gives me an idea. We should give her acting lessons! We could have her drive Finn absolutely mad with a few lessons on seductive glances.” Both girls laugh so loudly that it causes me to turn and smile at them. My humanness may almost be gone, but I have lived with a human for the last eighteen years. I know of human notions. But I want to learn more.

  “Lessons are a good idea,” I tell them, hopeful I can glean any information that will help me blend in better. Lana crosses the room and kneels in front of me.

  “I bet it’s the eyes and hair,” Lana says as she admires a few of my strands between her fingers alternating her gaze to my eyes. I hate that my hair makes me different. “Do this,” Lana says as she places her pointer finger on her bottom lip to draw it down exposing her bottom teeth. She raises her eyebrows waiting for me to comply. I do as I am told, although it feels awkward. “Then lower your lashes like this.” She casts her eyes downward, her eyes taking on a hooded look. “Then say, can you help me with something?’” She pushes her lips out further and looks up coyly. I do what she says and she claps her hands together in praise. A nagging sensation tugs at me even though I have their obvious approval.

  “I do not wish to anger the male darkling. He is letting me stay at this circle. I am thankful.” I do not say I am fearful that the dark witches and my future husband are looking for me, but I sense that something big is coming. Bec is now standing behind Lana as they both look down at me.

  They eye me speculatively, then Bec speaks. “Trust us he will not be angry. Now practice laughing and lip biting. After that, we need to teach you to hunt.”

  Lana laughs and then says, “Bec, duh. We are teaching her to hunt.” If lip chewing and gilded laughter keep me here and in their protection, I will do it. Every second that passes that distances myself from my fate makes me more content. I need to stay here with these darklings.

  “How can I feel more?” As I ask, I fist my palm and realize the wound has closed completely. I frown.

  “Try to pull up memories from when you were a child. Like the one you told me about. Try to associate feelings with them. When I play…” Lana grabs a rock off a table and chucks it at Bec. Bec shrewdly ducks and scoops it off the ground. When she stands I see a sparkle of something in her eye. Lana continues, “I feel happy. Or joyful…”

  Bec interrupts, “Or conniving.” She throws the rock back and pelts Lana in the arm.

  “Ow. Jerk. I knew I wouldn’t hit you. You’re too quick.” Lana squeezes her biceps and pulls up her sleeve to caress the red mark. “You didn’t have to throw it so hard. I just wanted to make a point.”

  “And now you feel anger?” I ask confused how happiness or joy can turn into anger so quickly.

  “No, I’m not mad at her. Well maybe a little.” Lana squints her eyes at Bec and shows her teeth in a pretend growl. “My arm just hurts. Emotions are all connected. If you feel anger and fear, making the leap to joy won’t be hard, especially if you want it.” I comprehend what she says, but I do not think it will be easy to feel something more.

  “What if they come for me?” I let the fear escape as I ask them the question that clouds my mind.

  Lana shrugs her shoulders. “Then they come for you. We don’t fight the dark witches, Emma. We’d lose. We don’t use magic. They get whatever they want. We can only hope that by the time they come for you, you can feel. If you can feel more emotions, then you have a defense against them. Almost a way to shield yourself…protect your own ass.”

  “Why can’t you use magic?”

  “We’ve never used our magic. Our bodies never embraced that side. We were taught to fight it off when we were young and now it never surfaces. At all. We couldn’t use it even if we wanted to without a lot of practicing,” Bec says. I let her words float around in my mind. It is comforting to know they are able to control themselves. It gives me hope that I too will be able to keep it at bay. Even as I feel my magic surfacing in this very moment, I want to will it. I want to control it. I want to own it and destroy it at the same time.

  The vibrating starts and I know my eyes are glowing white, but unlike the night before when it took over my body completely, this time I force it back down. I am unaware of my surroundings. I know Bec and Lana are close by, but they do not interrupt me. This is my inner turmoil that I have to deal with alone. They have already fought their battles.

  I stand and say, “No.” It comes out more loudly than I intend it to. I shut my eyes and grab my pants to control my hands. The humming electricity leaves my body and I open my eyes. I know they are blue because I force the dark from my system. My emotions are boiling, but I realize it is okay because they are the tiny parts of me that are still human, still alive.

  “There is hope for you yet,” Lana says.

  A loud, hearty knock sounds at the door. Walking to stand next to Bec, I ready myself for a visitor or an enemy alike. I am still buzzing with something after controlling my dark side and another emotion is on the border of recognition. There, but just out of reach and so foreign that unless blatantly obvious I would never understand the contents of such a feeling.

  Lana opens the door and Finn struts in, commanding the attention of all of us before he has let out a breath. The almost feeling immediately vanishes as I am assaulted by my clenching stomach. He goes to great lengths not to look at me, his eyes darting from Bec to Lana and back. Finn’s face contorts into an angry m
ask to conceal whatever emotion he is so desperately trying to hide. He closes the door, and then turns to face Lana.

  “You’re doing a great job, Lana. The darklings are out there in an uproar because they sense dark magic.” He looks at me, but then jerks his gaze away very quickly, as if he wishes he had not turned his head in the first place. The male’s reactions and gestures perplex me. I know he is pleased with my appearance because of the way his eyes grow larger when he looks at me. He also looks at me with contempt. I silently wonder if all males bewilder in this fashion. Everything about him intrigues me. Frightens me. Makes me want to know and see more.

  “She controlled it herself, Finn. How else do you expect her to learn?” Lana takes a step back. I see his presence affecting her. Her breathing is more rapid and her cheeks flush a light crimson color. I look at Bec, who also has the same heated reaction. I step forward to speak because it puzzles me these strong females lose themselves so easily just because of one male.

  “My apologies. It will not happen again, Finn.” I smile and decide to try it. I bite my lip, catching the corner in between my teeth. Finn’s eyes widen, his chest stills, and his full, pink lips part slightly. I see Lana’s half grin out of the corner of my eye and know my actions have had the intended effect. Finn balls his fists at his sides a few times and then finally responds without unlocking his fierce gaze from my face.

  “I’ll teach her myself, then,” Finn says. Bec coughs loudly and Lana giggles.

  “You’ll teach her what?” Lana asks with a hint of humor in her voice.

  “I’ll teach her how to survive, Lana.” His tone holds spite as he says her name. He squints his eyes in her direction and closes his mouth. “The dark witches are looking for a darkling two circles over as we speak. Now, do you want to go to the Dark Citadel with them?” He lowers his chin and his eyebrows rise in question as he fixes me with his glare. A lock of his brown hair falls into his eyes. He seems to realize when I do and brushes it back.