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  “I want to learn how to survive,” I tell the room distractedly. I look at Lana, wanting her to be pleased with my decision. It is my only decision if I want any sort of freedom.

  “So you’ll take her in the forest and teach her how to kill savages. Then what? Leave the rest of us here to face a visit from the dark witches alone?” A lump forms in the back of my throat. The dark witches invading this circle is unacceptable.

  “Like you’re so defenseless. Really? I’d say you’ve taken quite a liking to your new toy,” Finn scoffs, interlocking his hands behind his head. His lips part again, and I know this is how they look naturally.

  “I am not anyone’s toy,” I hiss. “No one will speak about me like I am not around anymore.”

  Everyone looks at me after my outburst. They are shocked.

  “What?” I ask. I throw my arms out in question. I saw my mother do this all the time. “I am not a toy. I do not want the dark witches to come to this circle, but I do want to learn to defend myself.”

  Bec runs a hand through her dark hair. Lana folds her arms across her chest and they both look to Finn. His answer is obvious. I see it in his body language. My show of humanness has worked.

  “You heard her, Finn. She’s not a fucking toy. Remember that while you’re teaching her.” Lana walks out of the house and the wooden door bounces behind her. I suck in a breath. I have not realized how much comfort her presence gives until she is gone.

  Bec turns to me, blocking Finn’s view, and whispers into my ear. “Remember what we said, Emma.” She pulls back and smiles widely. I smile back. As Bec exits she says, “Good luck, Finn.” The door slams and Finn and I are alone. He swallows audibly.

  “I’ll need it,” he whispers so low I am sure he did not want me to hear.

  He bites his lip.

  Chapter Six

  January 11th, Late night

  “Try to keep up a little better,” Finn says. He has given me a large pack that contains foodstuffs and substantial weaponry. It is heavy and my body is unused to carrying such things. My body is unused to doing almost everything that is required for my survival in this new world. I try to bury the uneasy feelings about the unknown and the pit in my stomach that comes along with leaving Lana. She assured me that I could trust Finn, so I left with him—into the forest.

  “I am unaccustomed to being outdoors,” I tell him honestly. He laughs bitterly, but does not slow down. “I was restricted to my home for many years because of the creatures,” I say. Something in my confession makes him stop.

  “How long have you been confined to a house?” He asks, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

  “Most of my life.” I have to shout because he is so far ahead. I hope I do not disturb the savages. He turns around and glowers at me. I see comprehension dawn as he walks back.

  “No, it can’t be,” he says in a hushed whisper. “There is no way.” He stares at me for many moments and I feel myself heat under his appraisal. The fluttering sensations return to my belly. Definitely not hunger pangs, I think to myself.

  “What?” My voice is unfamiliar and shaky, though I am hopeful I do not look as flustered as all the other darklings do in Finn’s presence. He does not respond. The uncomfortable silence stretches on. Next, he does something unexpected. He grabs a lock of my hair that rests on my shoulder. He rubs it in between his fingers and looks at it with such fondness that I know for certain he causes me to blush. I clear my throat. Suddenly his face looks sad and wistful, as if he is sifting through a memory from long ago. He drops his hand as if startled by my existence and takes the backpack off my back. He throws it over one shoulder without explaining a thing.

  “Come on, then?” he prods. Even through the darkest haze I can see his brownish silver eyes and the weakness that resides there. The male darkling is fond of me.

  I smile. The corner of his mouth quirks up, he shuts his eyes, and shakes his head. I walk behind him, stepping in his large ashy footprints, knowing something has changed.

  “What are you going to do with me?” I ask out of curiosity after we reach a small campsite in nothingness. Finn laughs heartily. I like his laugh. The fear of the unknown erases a touch when I hear it.

  He answers while unpacking a bag. “What I want to do to you and what I’m going to do with you are two different things, darkling. You have to learn to defend yourself against the savages. They are your biggest threat. Assuming you aren’t caught by the dark witches, that is.” A shiver runs up my spine. Even Finn cannot protect me from them. He has just said as much.

  “I know they will come for me. Will they be kind like you and the darklings?” Finn gives me a look that cuts like a blade. In the blink of an eye he is looming over me, grabbing my wrist to drag me to a standing position. I wince at the sharp pain that razes up my arm. He is unaware I like pain. It grounds me to my humanness.

  “Do not ever mistake me for a kind person. That will be your first and last mistake. Let’s just say the dark witches are even less kind.” He realizes how tightly he is gripping me and lets go. He takes a calculated step backward. In return I step toward him. He holds his breath, his back straightens, his eyes suddenly wary.

  I grab his wrist gently. “Fine,” I whisper, urging my voice to take on a newly taught tone. “Will you help me with something?” Finn does not move, does not breathe.

  “Depends on what you need help with,” he finally grates. He takes a step in my direction. Now, I step backward. He does it again—then again. My back presses against a black, cold tree. I forget the next step in the acting lessons Bec and Lana taught me. Finn trips me up. I panic. I bite my lip in a last ditch effort to gain some control. He watches my mouth hungrily and greedily. Savagely.

  “I need my book from my house. Can you help me get it back?” I ask, proud I come up with something I actually need help with. My book is the one thing that connects me to my mother and a life that seems almost dreamlike. The memories have faded, but her high voice lulling me to sleep with the familiar words forces me to remember her face. A heart shaped face, rosy cheeks, and beautifully twinkling light eyes—human eyes, always steadfast, always the same. “I need to remember her,” I say, my voice hitching.

  His intense gaze shatters at the mention of my book and my desire to get it back. He backs up a pace and his body heat vanishes. He tilts his head to the side, his eyebrows furrowing. “Why do you want a book? Out of all the things you had, you want a book back?”

  “I realize the silliness in wanting a book. It is the only tale I have ever had.”

  He pulls a knife out of one of his cargo pockets on his pants. He shakes his head and mutters something quietly to himself. Then he speaks loudly.

  “It’s not silly. It’s human. I’m surprised you want for it, that’s all. Here,” he says as he hands me the knife, handle first. The weight of it in my hand shocks me. Even more shocking is that he offers the word human in reference to me, and I like it.

  “That it may be. You heard Lana. I can still feel. You should not be surprised.” I test the knife by stabbing it in the air to my side, jabbing as quickly as I am able. He watches with amusement, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

  “What do you feel though? If I had to guess, you don’t feel anything more than the occasional blip of fear or anger.” He is right. He smiles widely exposing gleaming teeth. He knows it too.

  Lifting the bottom of his shirt up, he raises it to wipe his face. Chest glistening, muscles bulging–I find myself staring.

  Lowering his shirt, he finds my gaze glued to his body. He smirks. “You think for one second I bought the seduction act? To be capable of real seduction you need to feel lust and, for the most part, lust is coupled with love.” Finn turns away from me to finish assembling our campsite. He works deftly with his hands assembling a tiny stove that will boil water. Everything about the male darkling fascinates me, stirs something inside me—makes me want more.

  “How can I feel lust?” His whole body stills. He do
es not turn to face me when he speaks.

  “You’ll know it when you feel it,” he says. I can tell he is smiling even though I cannot see his face. “It won’t be with me, I can tell you that.” He starts working again, distracting me by merely moving. For the first time, I know I want to feel the sensation he speaks of because it is one I have never felt. Ever.

  “Why not? Is it because of the decree with the dark witches?” I ask.

  Finn stands in one fluid motion and wipes his hands down the sides of his pants. “Oh, let’s not get it twisted, darkling. There is a pact I’ve sworn to that forbids me from bringing darkling children into the world, but nowhere in the fine print does it prohibit me from making you feel lust. I may be a virgin, but I am skilled in every other way possible.” He pauses as he lets his words sink in.

  I swallow, and my body begins buzzing with a new sensation. Something that feels like need courses through my body, blossoming in my core as I watch his hooded eyes pierce through me. This new feeling coupled with my magic brings me to my knees. Finn shakes his head subtly in warning. He knows my magic is flaring in response to him. When he is sure I have control, he stalks forward a few more steps. I raise my chin to take in his tall form looming over me. There are a million other places to rest my gaze, but I cannot stop staring at his perfectly sculpted mouth-white teeth peeking out of pink, wet lips. I do not find sense in anything that is happening to my body, nor the feeling of helplessness that he causes. I stop breathing and just wait.

  His jaw works and his brown eyes slit. “I choose not to inflict lust on you because if I ever did, I wouldn’t be able to control myself. I’d end up breaking the decree,” he says, voice full of so much more than mere words. Finn now stands so close that his body heat envelops me wholly. It saturates me. It owns me. I have urges I have never had before in my life.

  “Oh,” I say shakily. The smile on Finn’s face is victorious. He is not just my protector. Finn is a man.

  I am suddenly acutely aware of the difference.

  Chapter Seven

  January 12th, Morning

  Finn has trapped me in a wooden hut. It is made of the same wood as the houses in the circle, but it is much, much smaller. It holds one person lying down with little room to roll over on either side. Finn obviously slept elsewhere. Not before downing two massive trees that now block my only way out. I smell faint traces of a fire, but hear nothing.

  “Hello? Finn, are you there?” I call out. I cannot fathom why he traps me. I have been completely obedient. I almost feel things around Finn. The very last thing I want is to leave him. Throughout the night my mind conjured images of him shirtless. My dreams are almost always black so the interruption was jarring, but welcome. I smile thinking of his deep, throaty laughter. There is no way I will leave him intentionally.

  I hear no response to my shout. The roof is triangular and also so low I am unable to stand. I root around on the ground until I find a pack of food next to the scrap of cloth I was using as a pillow. I pinch the dingy material and bring it closer to inspect it. I recognize the scrap as Finn’s shirt. It is the same shirt he wore the night before. Feeling slightly chilly, I jam my arms through the long sleeves and button it over my chest. I eat the potatoes quickly to staunch the hunger pains and begin pushing on the trees.

  “Let me out!” I yell, willing anger to lace my tone. Finn needs to know I will not be caged. Still, I hear no response. I push on the downed trees harder. They are unbending. I realize then that Finn is ultimately strong. He may not have the use of magic, but he willed two enormous trees down. Given no other option and convincing myself Finn forces my hand in the matter, I conjure dark magic. I find it sitting at the surface of my mind begging to get out. The electricity zings, the numbing tingles shoot through my body more fiercely than times before.

  I shake. My eyes spark white as the powers take over my body. I am myself, yet I am not, controlled by unconscious cravings. I slam my palms into the trees and they splinter as they break under my lighted power. I sink my fingers in and tear pieces of the tree trunk loose until I am free. I shake myself off, then discard the wood chips I pick from my hair.

  Finn crashes through the forest moments later. He stops when he sees me in front of the hut. I am not sure why, but I smile at him. He glowers back at me.

  “I was coming to let you out, darkling,” he says as he surveys the downed trees.

  “I will not be caged,” I tell him. I intone the syllables oddly and I know that my eyes are still glowing white. I am more dark than human in this moment. I close my eyes tightly and try to find a way back to myself.

  “I’m glad I didn’t make it in time, though. I needed to see this.” He gestures to the trees, the hut, and then his hand sweeps to me. His steely gaze roves my body one extra time before he settles on my face. “The savages were out and I needed to sleep. Those poor trees were keeping you safe while you slumbered,” Finn says gruffly, turning his face away.

  I realize my boots are back in the hut so I return for them without saying another word. As I lace them back on, I try to think of a human gesture or conversation that will win me back into his good graces. Deciding to tell him a story from the old world, I pull the backpack on and step out of the hut. Assaulted with heated, wet breath, I freeze. It sticks to every inch of my exposed body like a slimy second skin.

  Savage, I think.

  I shriek loudly as terror sets in. Finn is nowhere in sight. Realizing my protector has abandoned me, I scramble for the knife in the side pocket of the backpack. The first reach for the weapon is unsuccessful and my hand comes back empty. The pack is cumbersome and I cannot maneuver well. I take a measured step back and it follows.

  The savage gets so close I can see its misshapen, humanoid body. It reminds me of a naked human with no distinguishing features and sharp claws. Accompanying it is a smell so vile and putrid that it penetrates every available oxygen element. Screaming again is useless because I am afraid to breathe anymore of the smell in. It smells like death. I grab once more for the knife and come away with it tightly in my grasp. I wave it violently, yet purposefully in front of the creature. It rasps something unintelligible as I meet its vacant eyes. My dark magic wells up, threatening to burst out of my body. I push it down for the sake of controlling something…anything in this moment. A magical outburst would only draw more attention—more savages.

  “Come on, savage. You want me, come and get me.” With anger and fear bleating through my body, I stab the savage through the neck. I wince when I hear my blade gush into the slimy beast. The claws come down on my arm, tearing through the shirt, causing thick blood to well. At once, I feel the clarity of pain and remember exactly how Lana does it. My teeth grit as I zone in on the creature’s neck. A fierce cry escapes as I slash it deeply, ferociously, spraying thick blood through the air. The savage collapses to the ground with a loud roaring growl. The nude colored skin hisses as a thick, green steam rises off the corpse and fills the space around me.

  One final step.

  “Stop scaring me.” My voice echoes as I reach down and tear the creature’s head from its neck. Of course it comes away effortlessly as my knife wound is fatally deep. Backing away from the dismembered body, I clutch the wet knife to my chest and try to catch my breath. I fall to the ground, numb, waiting to feel something.

  “You don’t even need me, you were made for this,” Finn says. He approaches slowly from the outskirts of the trees.

  I do not look at him. I concentrate on the two large gouge marks on my forearm from which blood is freely flowing. Finn notices what I am fixated on.

  “Ah, the pain? It helps,” he says, settling next to me on the ground. I feel angry I need pain to keep the dark at bay. Pain is the closest thing to an emotion that I can feel…and control. With a wound as large as this I should not feel emotions for days, but I do.

  “You were not here for me. You are supposed to protect me.” Finn turns his face away seconds after he meets my troubled gaze. He sta
ys silent.

  “It’s hard to protect someone like you.”

  I sigh, weary from trying to understand everything. “Someone like me?” I do not keep the anger out of my words. I want him to know my feelings. I want to know his feelings. I want feeling.

  “Yes, darkling. Someone like you. Someone who has the ability to destroy me.” Shaking his head, he stands and starts collecting the pieces of my mutilated creature. He drags them to the forest’s edge and stays away. When he comes back it is obvious he has decided something.

  “I will try to keep you hidden from the dark witches. In return, you can’t use dark magic again. I don’t give a shit if you can control it or not. That’s the deal. Take it or leave it.” His offer has one large hole.

  “What do you get out of it?” I ask. He does not bring his gaze up to meet mine when he finally answers.

  “Absolutely nothing and more than you know,” he says before walking over to the large trees by my hut. He muscles one out of the way with the utmost ease.

  I speak loudly so he can hear me over the churning brush. “I will never destroy you, Finn.” I smile at him and realize he wears no shirt. I look down when I remember I have it on. He notices my comprehension and a rage-filled look crosses his face as he hulks another tree deep into the forest.

  He raises both eyebrows and swipes sweat from his forehead. “You already have, darkling. You already have.”

  Chapter Eight

  January 12th, Midday

  “I’ve only been to the Dark Citadel once. It’s a very large city where all the dark magic users live. Only dark witches can come and go. All the darklings you’ve met, are unable to travel there because our dark magic is dormant, we are feeling. It makes us safe in a sense. They have no use for us. There are very few darklings now that laws have been passed forbidding dark witches to have relationships with humans and darklings.” Finn is answering all the questions I have about the dark witches and the Dark Citadel. Some of the things I know, but all the things that deal with darklings I do not. He agrees to tell me anything I want to know. He says it will help me understand my feelings.